(It's Alright for a Season) But then It's Time to Go

I was instantly captivated by the words above when I first heard them in a song by Terrance Trent Darby. The impact was strong as I was a younger man at the time dealing with the ups/ downs and strange twists of relationships. Never one to waste time in a relationship that had no obvious short or long term future, Darby's words struck a chord with his season time-frame. Back then it made sense and I would recommend it in 2009.

The verses of my life are moving past
And so now the chorus I must hear
I've got to define my life and times
Before I can give you more than tears'
Cause sometimes
(It's alright for a season)
But then it's time to go--- Terrance Trent Darby's Seasons

In my opinion, there are 3 main reasons why a quality life partner/spouse remains elusive:

1) Not being ready - There are a multitude of reasons for this with most having to do with something or someone else controlling one's agenda - thus a promising relationship never has a chance to develop. Practicing the art of CYA (Controlling your Agenda) is an important element in finding the one you are looking for.

2) Being in a wasteful, low quality or misguided relationship that has existed for too long - It's hard to fathom how some let opportunity pass them by because they are afraid or unwilling to leave a relationship that has run its course; usually with little or no sign for a positive future. Opportunity seldom finds those who wallow in bad relations and are afraid to allow some good into their life.

3) Not being "in the game" - If one is single and wants to meet a potential partner, the majority of one's free time should be focused on meeting new people or finding that partner will be extremely difficult. One cannot effectively manage this by always hanging around the same friends or crowd. Be bold and venture out into new or unknown areas!

Point number 2 is my focus because if one is serious about finding a quality partner (not easy to do), it is imperative that one doesn't WASTE TIME in relationships that have no direction. It's important to experience life and a variety of relationships before one decides on a committed partner yet during that journey, being in a 5 year relationship that should have ended after 3- 6 months is a good way to let a potentially successful union slip right through one's hands.

When I have talked to people in aimless relationships, the excuses for staying ranged from "I love him or her" to "not wanting to be single" to "he or she may change" to "the break up will be tough on him or her" to "we have been together so long" - excuses made only to prolong what is typically inevitable, a break up. Why not nip that relationship in the bud and END it when you know there is no future?

I realize that relationships are complicated, intense and create sincere bonds - and that it's not easy to accomplish a desired exit particularly after a year or longer. That is why a season (or 3 month rule) is a good tool to utilize. I believe most people know after 3 months if a relationship has any real future or promise. They may not want to admit it to themselves but they know. If things are good after a season, continue and hopefully prosper. If not, move on so as to not become a victim of a multi-year relationship that should have been over in a season. It's vital for youth to consider this advice as life can be very challenging for them and to add a dysfunctional relationship into the mix only adds fuel to a twentysomething's fire.

A beautiful song called "Holding Back the Years" has a few poignant lines that speak volumes about what could happen if one toils in a relationship headed for the the perfect storm.

I've wasted all my tears
Wasted all those years
Nothing had the chance to be good
Nothing ever could, yea
I'll keep holding on--- Simply Red

Are you holding on?

Happy Gswede Sunday!

Gswede and daughter during their vacation in the south of Sweden.