Approach Life with Love not Fear

Almost a decade ago, I was walking in New York City (NYC) with a good friend who was visiting me. As we were crossing the street, a stranger approached us looking (to me) both dangerous and scary. My friend met his gaze and welcomed his approach and talked to him as if he were any other friend. His calmness made the man and situation less tense and they exchanged some friendly words. The man was looking for money and was given a few dollars.

I saw another dimension to my friend that day as most would have avoided the stranger who was obviously troubled. Not only did he not avoid him but he interacted with love and compassion which instantly changed the look of the man and the tone of the moment. There was not an ounce of fear in my friend's being and I had lived in NYC long enough to know one must be careful of these types of situations. That moment had a profound impact on me.

What keeps us from approaching life with Love instead of Fear? Can you relate to any of these?

-- Fear of speaking in public - A real fear for many yet if you look at it as a chance to express yourself, deliver your passion or enlighten the listeners, the love you have inside will probably flow out and inspire the audience. The next time you have the opportunity to speak in front of a group, embrace it! You may stumble a few times but the more you do it, the better you will become.

-- Fear of improving or leaving a bad relationship - We all know people who have difficult relationships yet are fearful of doing anything about it. If you are one of those people, respect yourself and ACT! Don't just wallow in misery thinking that things will get better because they usually don't. Love yourself by attempting to improve the relationship or making the tough decision to end the union.

-- Fear of going after your passion - I love to write and started this blog less than two years ago. Why didn't I do it 5 years ago? I was probably fearful that it would take to much time or that the creative process could be overwhelming. That fear was misguided as my blog gives me inspiration on a weekly basis especially when I get heartfelt responses from my readers. My blog is one of my true passions and I love doing it! I implore you to go after your passion today even if it's only an hour a week.

-- Fear of a good relationship - I have seen both men and woman discount a potentially good partner because they thought they could find someone better. A close friend had a girlfriend that treated him well and was very loving yet he took that love for granted. He wanted someone prettier and more exciting. His dream girl came into his life and they were married quickly. The divorce was swift; less than 2 years after. How different his life might have been if he chose the first woman.

-- Fear of leaving the place where you spent your childhood - Why do so many remain in the area of their childhood for their entire lives? I can't imagine that some didn't have the desire to experience the beauty, love and excitement of the world beyond by living in a place far away or different from their childhood. Don't be fearful of our global world; there are endless and magnificent possibilities if you only have the courage to embrace them.

-- Fear of being social or meeting new people - In Sweden, social networking or embracing new people is not the norm. Because of this cultural shyness, many are missing out on the refreshing experience of meeting someone new. And it's not just Sweden as I have met people in America who stay in their "tiny bubble of friends" and rarely venture outside of it. Why are we afraid to embrace more of our brothers and sisters in our community or around the world? Try taking a few baby steps by bringing one new friend into your life each year; you may be surprised by the results. If you open up your heart to new people (particularly those different from you), your life will be enriched in ways you cannot even imagine.

-- Fear of not living up to a parents expectation - In my opinion, the best way to live a fun, worthwhile and quality life is to follow YOUR dreams and not be held down by what a parents thinks or expects. Some parents don't allow their children to fly away from the parental cocoon and figure out life on their own once they become adults. A good parent will guide a child gently while always keeping in mind the dreams and aspirations of the child. Bad parents tend to push a child too strongly to achieve, expect a child to follow in their footsteps even when they aren't interested, remind a child constantly that they are not good enough or place harsh expectations on a child - usually never considering what the child thinks.

Love yourself, be bold and stand up to a parent who wants you to live life in a certain way or not the way you want! If your parent(s) cannot respect your life choices, that is their loss. Remember, the words of James Taylor from his beautiful song Secret of Life, - "Since we're only here for a while, you might as well show some style". Don't let your style fade away due to a selfish parent.

The aforementioned friend had a challenging childhood along with his share of fears and difficult times in life although he overcame them and is one of the most loving people I know. Even though his father was a less than ideal parent, he displayed his love by going to visit him one summer and spending quality time together. His father died not long after. His loving and eloquent eulogy at his father's funeral inspired me and made me think about the day when I would have to give the same speech for my father. In 2005, my friend couldn't attend my father's funeral due to his grandfather's being the same day although his spirit was with me when I delivered a loving tribute to my father in front of a couple hundred people.

If you approach life with an open heart and mind, the love in your being will have no choice but to rise up and touch the people you meet and the situations you encounter. Having a mentor or close friend like the one I describe above is a tremendous resource because they lead by example and are always available to talk with and learn from. In addition, surrounding yourself with loving and gentle people will be invaluable as you journey through the joys and pains of life.

The times I have spent with my friend (including wonderful occasions on the golf course) have enriched my soul and made me a better and more loving person. My life wouldn't be the same without his continued presence in my life.

This friend is also a man of faith and it plays a central role in his life. Here's a quote from the bible that speaks volumes and gives comfort to those who believe:

Psalms 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

FDR said it best in his first inaugural address:

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance".

Happy Gswede Sunday!

A late July Celebration filled with Love in the south of Sweden - The couple's 40th birthday and 10 years of marriage.