Master your "Me Time"

The comment below came from one of my dedicated readers. His comforting words inspired me to write this article.

"Congratulations on your one year anniversary!!! In some respects, it seems as though it's been a very quick twelve months. In another respect, I can't believe it's been only a year. I can't always find the time to peruse your blog at the leisurely pace it deserves, but you should know it is always a pleasure whenever I actually find the time. You have entertained, enlightened and most importantly engaged us in your life and the larger world community. Thank you. I pray that you keep up the good work (even though I don't know how you find the time). Peace and blessings to you and yours".

There is not a month that goes by without hearing someone talk about wanting more time in a day. It’s usually a general statement without much explanation. I understand the feeling as life seems to fly by quickly especially as we get older. There will always be 24 hours in a day so we must use that time wisely.

When I probe the issue deeper, it seems the point people really want to convey is wishing they had more personal time in order to do the things they enjoy - or what I call “Me Time”. If you feel you have no time for yourself or choose not to take time, I have a simple two word solution for you:

MAKE TIME!

It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, 15 minutes a day is a good start. What it does have to be is time for YOU and only YOU to do the thing(s) YOU like to do.

It could be as easy as enjoying the sun or nature for a few minutes every day, as bold as having lunch alone somewhere instead of the typical group lunch, as soothing as calling old friends one Sunday afternoon or as involved as finally starting to write that book you have talked about. The important thing is to do it and let NOTHING ……I repeat, NOTHING stand in your way.

Life can often feel like a sprint and we forget or are unwilling to feed our soul. Instead, the focus is on our growing “to do” list or other less important individuals or activities. When you do that, a tiny part of YOU dissolves day after day. Is that a positive way to live a life?

The complication of getting “Me Time” reaches a higher level when marriage and/or children come into the picture. It’s easier to do the things you like when you are single and have less responsibility although the key is to make sure that “Me Time” continues despite how busy or hectic life becomes. I actually enjoy more personal passions now compared to most years and my life is extremely busy with two young children! My wife, kids and job are my number 1, 2 and 3 priorities but doing the things I like is 4-10!

Here is what my “Me Time” involves:

1) Writing my weekly blog or working on my book – Writing is my most pleasurable activity; I enjoy it 2-6 hours every week. Sometimes that involves staying up late or working after midnight. NOTHING will keep me from putting pen to paper as it’s a deep passion and invaluable for my well being.

2) Decreasing Stress – Most people have a good amount of stress with some allowing it to completely take over. I’m no stranger to stress but refuse to let it rip me apart so I do things daily to relieve it. I pause for at least 15-30 minutes every day to do some sort of mind relaxing activity - it could be a walk, short nap, reading or simply relaxing on a bench in a peaceful state. Exercise is a great stress reducer as well. During this time, I don’t allow interruptions and my mind always benefits from it. How many of you do this? The benefits are immense so I encourage you to try it.

3) Keeping in touch with friends and family – I am fortunate to have a mother who is healthy and we talk weekly. In addition, I do my best to keep in touch with my friends (in America, Sweden and around the world) via email, letters or phone calls. These moments are very relaxing.

4) American Basketball Coach in Sweden (ABCSP) – I founded this youth program in 2005 and spend time planning and fundraising on a monthly basis. Young people are very important to me and our global world so I make the time. (www.Gswede.blogspot.com)

Do I experience all the “Me Time” things I desire? Of course not as my family and work life are where the majority of my energy goes. I would love to play golf 3 times a week, write 4 hours a day and have a daily nap but that may have to wait until retirement.

The aforementioned 4 elements make up 8-12 hours a week (sometimes more) of “Me Time” which is the minimum I need to have a fulfilling life. I am lucky to not need much sleep which is another element of life you might consider decreasing to give yourself more time!

In my opinion, there is no excuse to not get some form of “Me Time” in your life as YOU are the only thing holding you back. If something is passionate to you or important for you, you can find the time to do it. It may take baby steps in the beginning to kick start your engine along with the willingness to be consistent (crucial element).

In my experiences, people get held back from their passions due to a spouse, parent, job, TV, computer or a host of others things. A spouse should be encouraging their partner to get some “Me Time”! A job should not rule your life like it does for some of us. TV can be a relaxing tool although it is probably safe to say that most families watch too much of it.

No one can take away your “Me Time” unless you allow them to. All it takes is the courage to act and do some or more of the things you like. Remember, spending a little time on YOU will often make one a better parent, husband, worker or friend. A happier and healthier YOU will shine if you are bold enough to put yourself first. To get more time may require some feelings to be hurt or “putting your foot down” and demanding the time. Do not be fearful if more “Me Time” is something you need. If you don’t act, it’s YOU who will continue to suffer the consequences.

My 2009 kick-off article on the benefits of life is worth reading. The comment at the beginning was a response to this important advice. The title is “Life is (and should be) all about the Benefits”. This can be a productive tool in showing one how to maximize the benefits in life which can provide more “Me Time” and make one a happier and more productive person. The link is below:

(http://gswede-sunday.blogspot.com/2009/01/life-is-and-should-be-all-about.html)

While it’s never too late to start one’s “Me Time”, does anyone want to wake up at age 65 and reflect on a life solely lived for others with little or no regard for one’s passions and desires?

Consider this scenario:

You have just retired and dedicated little or no energy towards your personal passions in life. What you are counting on is to be able to do the things you enjoy now that you have more time. You don’t quite know how to approach this new freedom primarily because you never took time for yourself in those prime years.

You go to sleep one evening barely a year after retirement feeling unfulfilled. The next day, you don’t wake up.

Master your “Me Time”.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

Gswede's sister-in-law getting some "Me Time" at the family summer home in Sweden.

An Uncommon Friendship in Sweden

Wherever you reside in the world, it’s probably not typical for total strangers to strike up a conversation and follow it up with a mutually beneficial friendship. In Sweden, it is uncommon for this to occur and it’s only happened to me once in 5 years. I am grateful for this one time.

The story begins in early 2006 with me running on the treadmill at my health club in Stockholm. Typically, people just go about their business at this club and rarely engage (or even look at) others unless they know them. I tend to look around no matter where I am as I enjoy meeting new people.

I glanced at a treadmill nearby and saw a man I had never seen before. While I don’t remember how we started our conversation, what was memorable was the ease of our first words and the ensuing talk. We talked about business mostly and exchanged contact information. The fact that he was so open to someone he never met before led me to believe that he was a different kind of Swede; one interested in networking together. We had a refreshing dialogue and I had no doubt that we would meet again. I had met a few interesting Swedish businessmen before although the follow-up I expected never happened which was disappointing.

It wasn’t long before we met again and attempted to work on some business deals as well as get to know each other better. Although he was in his 20’s, he had a maturity and sensibility of someone much older. His business knowledge was sound and I could tell he cared about others. Most importantly, he was interesting.

In late May of that year, a close friend from New York City (NYC) came to run the Stockholm Marathon with me. Since I couldn’t provide all the connections for my NYC friend to have a good social experience, I asked my new Stockholm friend if he could help me out. He took the New Yorker to great places, showed him Stockholm and introduced him to his friends including some lovely ladies. Most impressive and pleasing to me was that he was taken care of as if he was an old friend. I was surprised at this generosity although I could tell that our friendship was beginning to bloom.

Later in the summer, the New Yorker came back to Stockholm with my childhood friend who was also living in the “Big Apple”. Once again, my Stockholm friend displayed his friendship skills, embracing both and showing them a fabulous time! He even set up a traditional Swedish crayfish party with a diverse group of people which was a wonderful ending to their time in Sweden. After getting to know them, my Stockholm friend had a new world in front of him and it didn’t take long for him to make the trip to Manhattan. After what he did for my friends, it was great to see him benefit by experiencing the best city in the world!

Despite knowing him less than a year, I was learning from his insight and it’s rare to seeing young people being so perceptive. My friend pulled me aside one day and told me to “make sure I look people in the eye” when talking to them. His words were powerful and I never forgot them.

He had proven to be trustworthy which is why I opened up more of my network for him to begin to explore the east coast of America. I had a sense that he might want to live elsewhere at some point as his talents were better suited outside of Sweden. He has an entrepreneurial spirit and is a gifted networker - all qualities better suited in city where he could blossom quickly.

In the last few years, this friend of mine has met and enjoyed several of my close friends. One dear friend and mentor invited him to his home in Washington, DC for Thanksgiving which was memorable. In addition, he has taken care of numerous friends who have visited me over the years whether they needed a place to stay, an event to go to or a restaurant to enjoy. If he couldn’t do something I asked him for, it wasn’t for lack of trying.

In 2008, he sought my advice about moving abroad as Stockholm was frustrating him. He asked me what I thought about him changing countries which I appreciated. I told him that he should “do it” and totally embraced his plan. He could always come back to Sweden to have kids as many Swedes do after a few years abroad. He finalized his plans to leave shortly thereafter.

He has lived in an exciting European capital city for one year. He has travelled the world, learned more about himself and is building a solid career; something that would have been tougher for him to do had he stayed in Stockholm. I am proud of him for being so bold and passionate. He also has a wonderful girlfriend and that makes the hustle and challenges of life much smoother.

He’s certainly an atypical Swedish man as this type of story has happened to me several times in America especially in Manhattan. He and I have benefited each other better than some others I have known for much longer! Friendships should work in a similar manner, yet far too often we don’t help our friends as much as we can. Why not? It is essential to connect and like each other although that is not enough. Friends SHOULD help each other so that careers go faster and life improves quicker. Without my friends, I wouldn’t be close to where I am today in terms of knowledge, connections, living abroad, jobs………just to name a few. And I have always tried to return the favor. (I will be writing more on this subject later in the year)

This week, my friend turns 30 and is celebrating his big day in NYC. I wish I could be there but my “family man” duties call – and Manhattan is no place for a man with 2 kids under 3 years!

My birthday message to him:

I hope you are having a great time in my favorite city, NYC. Please give my best to all our mutual friends as well as to your girlfriend. Thank you for your friendship, loyalty and respect. I have only met a few Swedish men like you although I am optimistic that more of your kind resides here. It is been an enjoyable four years and I am looking forward to growing the friendship in the years to come.

You have been a big part of making my acclamation to Sweden a smooth one and your generosity with my visitors is appreciated more than you know. Keep up the hard work, be disciplined and go after the things you desire in life and let NOTHING hold you back. You have much to give to the world and with your talents, only you can limit yourself.

The bumps and bruises in life will always be there yet if you keep that positive attitude and stay focused, you will pass by those obstacles and reach your goals. I love the fact that your thirst for learning is so strong. Never lose that desire as improving as a person and knowledge in general is so important to the success of any life.

Remember the quote you reminded me of from one of my favorite books, Pat Riley’s “The Winner Within”:

Pat quotes M. Scott Peck’s book “The Road Less Travelled” that has the following three words as the opening…………….LIFE IS DIFFICULT.

Pat goes on to write:

“Once you realize that and accept that fact, you’re ready to live life successfully. You find a genuine kind of peace. You focus on controlling the things that you are able to control. Your rededicate your energies to basics. The most profound basic of all is simple hard work”. – Pat Riley

Grattis på födelsdagen min vän!

Happy Gswede Sunday!

One of Gswede's favorite photos. Two friends enjoying summertime ease in the south of Sweden.

Sweden: Equal Society?

Since my 5 years in Sweden article (link is below) appeared in April, numerous comments have been posted on my blog and I’ve received heartfelt emails. While the reactions have varied, I appreciate the sincerity from my readers. A main focus of my story was the lack of job opportunities for me and foreigners in general

5 Years in Sweden: No Place I’d Rather be…………BUT
http://gswede-sunday.blogspot.com/2009/04/5-years-in-sweden-there-is-no-place-id.html

Recently, a good friend sent me an email about an upcoming lecture on the college campus of UCLA in late May. It immediately caught my eye as I enjoy reading about any facet of history regarding Sweden. The talk on May 26 is called, “THE BLUE AND YELLOW GLASS HOUSE: STRUCTURAL DISCRIMINATION IN SWEDEN”

The lecturer is Paul Lapalainen and he is the Head of the Swedish Government Inquiry into Structural Discrimination & Senior Analyst, Swedish Equality Ombudsman. What he has to say will be very familiar to some and surprise more than a few people as Sweden prides itself on EQUALITY yet his words are alarming and disheartening; showing that Sweden has a long way to go in regards to equality for all of its citizens.

How many of you know the story of the indigenous Sámi and the nomadic Roma peoples in Sweden? My uncle and aunt (in town this week) now know after they visited a local museum and learned about the oppression of this group.

Below are a few paragraphs from the email. Further down you will find two PDF links where you can read more on Lapalainen’s research and insight. He has shed a light on a subject that we must have more dialogue on! I encourage you to take the time to read them.

In the USA, our wicked racist past is well-documented although we have made tremendous progress in race relations in the last 50 years. We still have a significant distance to travel although there is hope for even more harmony and less discrimination in the next half century particularly with the leadership of our new President, Barack Obama; a man who has energized and brought people together in ways many never thought possible.

Will Sweden (and numerous other European countries) be bold enough to acknowledge and act on the problem of racism/discrimination so that 30 years from now we will find a more unified Sweden? If not, it’s frightening to think of what may happen if the “status quo” continues to rear its ugly head.

As a perpetual optimist, I am confident that things can and will improve as closing the gap on EQUALITY will only create a better, stronger and more competitive Sweden.

Don’t we all want that?

Happy Gswede Sunday!
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When it comes to civil rights, Lappalainen argues, Sweden has not come much further than the US of the 1960s. Equal rights are assumed to exist, discrimination is denied, and racism is narrowly defined so that it only applies to ideological extremists. Swedish authorities further perceive ethnic minorities in Sweden, including immigrants, as people to be helped, educated, trained, controlled and disciplined. The failure of many Swedes to recognize the role that institutional racism plays in Swedish society today is often based on an underlying belief that Sweden is different from other countries, particularly when it comes to human rights. While Swedish laws and policies have moved in the right direction, these perceptions limit their implementation.

However, just as in other countries, racism and discrimination are a part of Sweden’s history and culture. The oppression of the indigenous Sámi and the nomadic Roma peoples, as well as Sweden's establishment of the world’s first race biology institute in the 1920s, are clear indications of this. Denial of such problems has resulted in the failure to ban ethnic discrimination in working life, as well as other parts of society. Until recently, Sweden, like much of Europe, had ineffective symbolic laws at best, and at worst, authorities asserted that such laws were not necessary since equal treatment was mandated by their constitution.

Lappalainen, who has dual US and Swedish citizenship, headed a Swedish government inquiry into structural discrimination in Sweden in 2005 and currently serves as a senior analyst for the Swedish Equality Ombudsman. Born the son of Finnish immigrants to Canada, Lappalainen received his bachelor's degree in political science from UCLA in 1975 and went on to earn law degrees from Loyola University and the University of Stockholm. In this public lecture at UCLA, Lappalainen argues that Sweden's self-perceptions hide and deflect the focus from those with the power to discriminate and those who benefit from discrimination. The government inquiry that he headed concluded that institutional racism can be found in the labour market, housing, politics, the legal system, education, the media, and the welfare system. These conclusions contributed to the redrafting of Sweden's anti-discrimination law, which took effect January 1 of this year. Lappalainen will describe the power structures that exist in current-day Sweden and the concrete steps that have been taken, and remain to be taken, to ensure the civil rights of all people in Sweden regardless of gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, disability, age, and gender identity.
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Paul Lappalainen - LinkedIn
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/paul-lappalainen/9/966/587



[PDF]
SUMMARY – THE BLUE AND YELLOW GLASS HOUSE: STRUCTURAL ...
http://cms.horus.be/files/99935/MediaArchive/pdfevents/presentation_Lappalainen_1.pdf



[PDF] Institutional racism in Sweden and Europe
http://www.rijo.homepage.t-online.de/pdf/EN_EU_ZE_racism.pdf



Sweden: In 2040, will the blue and yellow flag represent Improved Equality?

Mom's Day - One Less Gift to Impact a "Mother in Need"

Mother’s Day is important to acknowledge as being a good mother is one of the most important and challenging of any life experience. To do it well requires an abundance of strong and loving qualities. I have witnessed some extraordinary mothers in my lifetime and they have inspired me before and after I had children. Whether the day is celebrated in Sweden (May 31), America (today May 10) or other parts of the world, it’s essential to honor one’s mother (living or past) in a meaningful way.

I read an article recently about three charities and the work they do for mothers around the globe and was inspired although the facts below from the story are alarming. (You can read the full article by clicking on the link)

For many mothers around the world, love isn't enough to provide their children with simple necessities.

More than 10 million mothers and children die every year during pregnancy, childbirth and infancy, which is more than the combined number of deaths from tuberculosis, HIV, and malaria -- according to Infante Sano, a non-profit organization that partners with local hospitals and rural clinics to provide medical training, essential equipment and resources to improve the quality of care women and children receive in Latin America and the Caribbean.

Infante Sano is one of several groups focusing on trying to turn this around. Family Care International works with government and non-government agencies to improve maternal health care and sex and reproductive education to women in Central America and Africa. The Touch Foundation focuses on Sub-Saharan African countries like Tanzania that witness some 950 maternal deaths per 100,000 births (compared to 11 per 100,000 in the United States). And there's always UNICEF.

(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/naomi-foner/in-the-spirit-of-mothers_b_192258.html)

This Mother’s Day is the perfect opportunity to impact “mothers in need” through these three organizations or one you are aware of that works tirelessly to help those mothers who need help the most. With the world economic crises looming large, charitable organizations will undoubtedly lose some financial support. We have to make sure that those that do crucial and essential work can maintain the resources to continue.

Maybe this Mother’s Day we can adopt the slogan “Less Gifts, More Giving”. I don’t want to do away with flowers, candy or dinner as these and other loving gestures of appreciation are always welcome.

What I would like to see is a replacement of one gift to mom and using that money to support a charity of your choice; one that impacts mothers and/or the family. You could even donate the funds in your mother’s name! In addition, this could be a good way to get your children involved by teaching them about the importance of giving.

As the article mentions, UNICEF is a good giving choice and I can vouch for them as I have seen the invaluable work they do; work I experienced during a two month UNICEF fundraising project in Belgrade, Serbia which focused on decreasing the “bullying in schools”.

Happy Mother's Day to my dear mother, my loving wife and mothers around our global community!

One less gift could change a mother’s life.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

A mom-to-be in June 2008.

The "American Brand" is Back!

At the end of a recent meeting with a Swedish Marketing Professor, he excitingly blurted out, “The American Brand is Back!” Although I had heard similar wording after an unknown Barack Obama appeared on the scene, his statement really stuck with me as our prior conversation was about branding and since he was the expert, it was nice to hear.

Indeed, our brand is back and what is quite amazing is that it seemed to happen overnight! The 8 years before Obama were disheartening for a variety of reasons, not the least of which includes playing a major role in the economic crisis in America and around the world. What some Americans may not know is how badly tarnished the "American Brand" was in Sweden and abroad during the Bush years. It was hurtful to hear and usually aimed at the top man in the White House. The message was consistent whether I was in Europe, Egypt or Africa. The focus was usually on his cowboy attitude or his lack of interest for matters outside of America, or his intellect. And it didn’t have to be that way.

Former President Bush had the empathy of the world in the palm of his hands after 9/11. Even though that day was horrific, he had the opportunity to bring the world together as a unified front in going after the terrorists. Instead, he chose the “my way or the highway” attitude along with his infamous remark, “You're either with us or against us in the fight against terror". (http://archives.cnn.com/2001/US/11/06/gen.attack.on.terror/). In addition, he started a war with a country that had nothing to do with 9/11. To add fuel to the fire, I can’t remember a time when he practiced his campaign slogan, “compassionate conservatism” when dealing with the global community.

He had to know that much of the world disapproved of his rhetoric along with the Iraq war. At the very least, he could have used his powerful pulpit and compassionate words to gently explain his stance and listen to the world community before making any rash decisions. If he cared about the "American Brand", he would have acted differently. He only seemed to care about his agenda and our brand suffered immensely for it.

How refreshing it is to have President Barack Obama in the White House. He has turned our brand from a negative to a high positive and has only served slighty more than 100 days. Some believe the brand changed the night Obama was elected! By most accounts, his first three months have been viewed favorably. He has been serious, ambitious, smart, open-minded, dogged, tough, calm, compassionate and curious. He has also pushed through significant parts of his agenda in a short period of time and was not afraid to explain his actions to the public via town meetings or press conferences. Despite the tough economic times, he has made America and the world FEEL GOOD and that is priceless.

Like President Clinton, I have never heard anyone wonder about the intellectual or creative curiosity of President Obama. With President Bush, that was typically one of the main criticisms whether it was fair or not. One thing people overlook is that Bush made himself President for 8 years and one can’t be dumb to accomplish that. A world leader should be a cut above the norm so I am happy that our current President will never be questioned in terms of intellect.

Now that our brand is sparkling again, we need to nurture and protect it and that cannot be done with business as usual. If our new President is to succeed, Americans from Seattle to Mississippi to Maine and abroad must follow his lead and begin to change patterns so that we can become a strong America once again.

Below are 7 areas where America needs to improve:

1) "Stop Being Stupid" – Bob Herbert from the NY Times wrote a wonderful editorial with that title about Americans and the role we played in helping the USA economy bloom into a disaster. A quote from and a link to the article is below. Most of us only have ourselves to blame for the position we are in as irresponsible choices dwarfed responsible choices particularly over the last decade. We must THINK intently before we act on any important decision in our lives. One question I always ask myself before any significant decision is “What is the Benefit”? If there is none, I don’t do it. You can view my article on BENEFITS in the January 2009 articles section to your right.

Somehow, over the past few decades, that has become the American way: to pay for things — from wars to Wall Street bonuses to flat-screen TVs to video games — with money that wasn’t there.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/27/opinion/27herbert.html?_r=1&ref=opinion

2) Food and Exercise – It is frightening how fat our nation has become and especially our children. We must embrace the phrase “Everything in Moderation”, particularly when it comes to eating. As parents, we must do a better job in monitoring what our children eat. In addition, we need to get up off the couch or from behind the computer screen and move our bodies a couple of times a week. Even if it's only 30 minutes of walking three times a week, it is important to be consistent in your exercise.

3) Travel – Can more of us please travel outside of America? I know some educated and financially sound individuals who have never been outside of the United States. In addition, less than 25% of Americans have a passport which is a shame. We should care more about our brothers and sisters around the world and the best way to show that we care is by visiting other cultures. It is an invaluable experience to spend a week breathing the air of a city unlike any you have seen before. You will be touched in ways you cannot imagine if you just have the courage to spend some time abroad.

4) Living Abroad – Before I moved to Sweden, a friend who had lived abroad told me and others sitting at the table that everyone should spend at least one year living in another country. He had just come back from his time in Europe and you could see the joy in his face and feel the satisfaction in his words when he described his experience. I will never forget that moment. For any young person, be bold and take the big step to live in a foreign country. It will change your life!

5) Education - Without a solid upbringing and quality education, it can be difficult to find success in life. In this regard, black Americans are near the bottom of the pole despite the fact that there are prominent black CEO’s and a black president. My hope is that since Barack Obama has reached the top, it will inspire black youth as well as youth of all colors to do better and achieve more. The disturbing facts from black conservative Shelby Steele's editorial will put things into perspective: (click on link for full story)

The black illegitimacy rate remains at 70%. Blacks did worse on the SAT in 2000 than in 1990. Fifty-five percent of all federal prisoners are black, though we are only 13% of the population. The academic achievement gap between blacks and whites persists even for the black middle class.

(http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/opinion/la-oe-steele5-2008nov05,0,1642069.story)

6) Sports – The culture of sports in America is a passionate and thrilling experience. Having seen success in sports change the lives of so many (including yours truly) in a positive way, it saddens me to see those who could have made it but didn’t. I grew up with or have known numerous young men and woman who had the sports talent to achieve a collegiate scholarship yet failed to do so. Instead, they didn’t focus on school or had babies at a young age or became involved with the wrong crowd or didn’t work hard enough on their chosen sport. Many never got out of their home town with some now only existing in life. A few of these individuals were MUCH more talented than I was and would have bloomed in college if the focus and desire was in their heart.

I was fortunate because I had a mentor along with quality parents. Many kids don’t although there usually is one person around a talented youth who does want them to succeed and stay away from life’s temptations. If you are one of those youth, grab onto that person or find a positive mentor in your life to help you succeed. No one can do it alone.

7) Giving – In my view, no life is considered successful unless there is an element of quality giving involved. It doesn’t matter how one gives (i.e. money, time, coaching, mentorship, volunteering); what is important is to be consistent and passionate in your giving endeavors.

One of the greatest Americans said this about giving:

Everybody can be great, because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.

--Martin Luther King

I have faith that we can improve in the aforementioned areas because Americans have a wonderful spirit and it beamed brightly when we elected a president who we desperately needed in these dire times. We are blessed to have him as our leader. I don’t think it's a coincidence that President Obama embodies the positive side of the elements above which has a lot to do with his universal appeal.

We need to embrace our uniqueness as individuals, begin to improve as people and in our community so that we will not only be viewed as well-rounded American citizens but also global citizens of the world. In addition, it is imperative to always keep the "American Brand" top of mind whether it be a conversation, an action or travelling in other countries. It's important to be liked and respected around the globe and if one has a caring and compassionate soul, likability will shimmer and the brand will continue to glow.

It is essential that we NEVER allow our country to be run by any leader who doesn’t enhance or respect the "American Brand". There is no benefit in having a President who weakens the brand and doesn’t show the slightest interest in how America is viewed around the world.

I have been and always will be proud to be an American. If we can show through our actions that we want to improve our heath, our children, our travel, our education, our giving, our knowledge of other cultures and our decision making, I will be beaming with even more pride.

The "American Brand" is back! Let’s pledge to work hard and smart to keep it that way.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

Let's keep the "American Brand" flying high!

Swedish Perspective - “5 years in Sweden” article

Wow.

I had no idea that last Sunday’s article “5 Years in Sweden – No place I’d Rather be…BUT” (see link on right under articles) would elicit such a strong reaction! It was one of my most read articles since I began this blog in March 2008. In addition, many wrote to me personally to give their opinion which I enjoyed and appreciated.

Some felt sad while others could instantly relate whether they lived in Sweden or only visited. Very view disagreed, some totally agreed and others thought it was negative. One person called Sweden fantastic. The opinions came from Swedes and Americans who have lived abroad.

One viewpoint was from a friend I have known only a year. She is Swedish, 37 and has extensive experience living abroad. What she wrote surprised me and may shock some people. I learned a lot about her and those who don’t know much about Sweden will get a full plate of knowledge. She paints her picture below.

Following her words are a few other interesting Swedish perspectives. Further down, you will find links to three insightful comments from Americans who have visited Sweden on numerous occasions.

My intention was not for my story to be positive or negative. It was not to have my readers agree/disagree or feel sad/hurt. My purpose was to INFORM and EDUCATE people about George’s experiences, particularly those foreigners considering a move to Sweden. Unfortunately, negative points of view can sometimes overshadow the positive aspects.

Hopefully, my words last week can put a step in everyone’s stride in lending a helping hand to foreigners who want to work. Many Swedes have helped me adjust to Sweden and gain employment and I have helped both Swedes and foreigners. We can all do something even if it’s only a tip about a job you have heard of. Maybe one day in the near future, Swedish employers will start to think differently and realize that it could be smart to hire qualified foreigners despite the discomfort that it may cause.

If we care, let’s direct that energy to those individuals who can’t find a job, simply because they are not welcome or given the chance.

Happy Gswede Sunday!
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Swedish Woman, 37 – Lived abroad and currently lives in Sweden

George. It's weird, but it's like I could have written those words myself - I feel EXACTLY the same way - with the weirdest part of course being that I AM Swedish!
But I'm telling you, I've been gone for "too long" and no one will even give me a chance to get hired here. I loved that phrase "comfort over improvement" because that's exactly what it is. I must have applied for at least 50 jobs during the last year and have not been asked to a single interview at a Swedish place of employment. Not one.

I have had 2 interviews, (both of which I actually ended up having multiple meetings for, one even 7 interviews) - but they were both for international organizations. I didn't get them, but I was close and I was given a chance - and they were both for advanced positions.

How could it be that I can't even get asked to come to an interview for entry-level jobs here?

I'm telling you, I feel for the Iraqi immigrants with "foreign" names and educations, because if I can't get an interview, in spite of having a Swedish name, Swedish upbringing and obviously being a native Swedish speaker. And why?

It seems to be because I’ve never worked in Sweden (moved the day after graduating from high-school, at the age of 18), or perhaps because I only have foreign educations (US University degree, from UCLA, no help that I graduated Summa Cum Laude, top 200 students of 36,000, and from the University of Madrid) etc. Again, why? It seems, simply because the Swedes seem to "not being able to relate".

Plainly spoken, I guess I seem too odd. Too different. Don't fit in. Think too differently. You'd think that international experience would be considered a positive thing - hey, after all we are living in a "global" world and economy right - shouldn't this be a positive rather than a negative?

I speak several languages fluently, I know how to interact with people from various national, religious and cultural backgrounds, I'm open minded, entrepreneurial, and I have quite a lot of decent work experience. I'm not saying this to toot my own horn, but it's pretty darn discouraging when I can't even get called in for an interview for a secretary/receptionist/assistant position. It's certainly not very good for my self-esteem, or should I say... it's sort of soul-killing, really. Maybe it's the economy, maybe it's me, who knows, but you'd think I'd at least get to go to one interview...

I don't mean to write so many negatives, it's just hard to understand how it can be so hard to "break in" and to get employment here. And, honestly, it seems that the best odds to get a job here is not through applying, but to know someone. Everyone I speak to say that they got their jobs through knowing someone, not from answering job ads. Sure, it's always good to have contacts and it works like that to some degree everywhere, but not like in Sweden. Here, it seems they would rather give the job to someone they know rather than someone who may be better suited for it.

It's sort of a paradox really, because on the one hand it seems that there's a bit of a "meritokrati" here - God forbid you don't have an actual education from the Informatörslinje from a Swedish university - you couldn't possibly know anything about communication or building networks or running projects then, could you?
(Never mind that you've actually started and successfully completed international projects everywhere and did all the marketing and PR and website building for it...)

And on the other hand it's like merit doesn't count as much... or at least not as much as knowing someone, or at least have the decency to fit in. Having gone to the same schools, going skiing to Åre for sportlovet, and having a summer house in the archipelago etc. Watch melodifestivalen, and of course, agree with everyone else and the status quo. Anything but different. Nor too enthusiastic! That's apparently a no-no too.

The most honest person I met lately was a lady at Arbetsförmedlingen (agency for the unemployed) last week. She said, when I read through your CV before our meeting, I must admit that I didn't know how I would speak to you. You're so different from me, having done so many things, lived so many places, had your own businesses, ran these international projects, in the US, in Malawi, in Brazil... I've always lived, studied and worked in Sweden - always as an employee, always in a myndighet, I would rather hire someone that I knew I could relate to and that I wouldn't feel intimidated by - so I can understand that you don't get called in for interviews. You seem too different, too foreign; I wouldn't know where to place you.

So, she advised me to tone down my past. Pretty much as in not hardly even mentioning that I've lived abroad and much of my whole adult life, or even that I've been self-employed, or that I've worked with international projects. Her advice was to simply say "I am looking for a change in my life and due to my personal life and priority being a mother and having a family it would suit me well to work as an employee, locally, so that I can enjoy a more stable everyday life with routines and colleagues." She said it would be easier for an employee to relate to that, than to my presentation speaking of what I had done previously etc.

She also said that I should write about my kids, including names and ages, what I like to do on my spare time (i.e. hobbies), and my age. (WHAT?? Can you imagine starting a letter like that in the US, hahaha, "Hi, I'm --------, 37, and I would like this position as I would like to prioritize my kids and family - have a stable environment as an employee so that I may enjoy my private life to the fullest - I love nature, photography and yoga. I also like to travel and spend time with family and friends. I look forward to getting to know my new colleagues and like to have fun at work..."

I'm exaggerating of course, but the fact that they even RECOMMEND this approach is actually quite hilarious and goes to show you how little I know my own country and people.

I do know however that I will never become a true Swede again. I'm too Americanized. Or perhaps, too much of a global citizen really. Anywhere but here, this would probably be considered a good thing. But here, you have to fit in to be accepted. Not stick out from the crowd.

Last week I had my exhibit in Rio - at a conference with participants from over 80 nations. I could talk to ANYONE, one day having breakfast with someone from Nepal, lunch with some folks from the Congo, dinner with people from Argentina, Zimbabwe, Bangladesh and Canada. I never felt awkward or that there wasn't anything to talk about. I actually thought about how I felt more at home than I do here, which of course, is my home. Even others didn't get that I was Swedish. "Why are you going to Stockholm" they'd ask. Uh, cause I'm from there and I live there (and it says so on my name tag here even). And I noticed that people from pretty much everywhere are actually quite similar, you know - the basics, you greet, you look each other in the eye acknowledging the other's existence, you say sorry and excuse me and thank you... But not here, here it's considered normal to bump into each other, to look through people as if they didn't exist, certainly NOT say hi! And the funny thing is that people here think that THEY are the norm and that the Swedish way is THE way. It's mind boggling.

OK - enough Swede bashing for one day - it's probably because I'm so frustrated about the job search thing that I'm venting. But each time I leave, I'm secretly wondering why I live here when I return. I was in the US in Feb and Brazil in March/April and I do feel more alive elsewhere. I feel more like ME.I My spirit thrives on the human interactions, the courtesies, the friendly jokes, the "have a great day now" comments. There's something to the coldness and the rudeness and the closed-offedness, even though that's not a word, that's very unhealthy for your spirit.

So - having meant to only write you a sentence or two - I guess in brief what I wanted to say is that I'm with you, it's amazing for kids, but not all healthy for adults who have lived other places and "know better" haha. But I'm also very aware of the great, unique and amazing things about this place too. The health care, the child care and schools, the nature, the pretty healthy social structures and values, a certain honesty of the people, and all that. So, I too am very grateful to be here and have no intention on going elsewhere, at least not until the kids are older - but I think that it'll be healthier for me if I stop trying to FIT IN cause guess what, I won't. And I'm not even sure that that would be a healthy goal, haha.

Instead, it may be better to create our own little sub-culture and to enjoy the people that we can relate too. Enjoy the greatness that Sweden has to offer, and mix in some of the good stuff from elsewhere and create our own little Universe and reality. Your friend's idea about starting up our own things instead of trying to get hired is a pretty good one.

The other day, when coming back from Brazil, I had the most interesting conversation with an immigrant taxi driver. He said "now you know what it's like for us - it's not normal, it isn't..." and then he says "you know what, I've been here for 10 years, and I have never had a conversation like this with a Swede before. Not once." Hmm. His sister, a doctor and PhD, couldn't get a single job here, in spite of speaking Swedish. She was tired, moved to London and instantly got hired to teach at one of their top Universities. Sweden is losing out by being so exclusive, by not welcoming diversity, by choosing not to learn from it.

Sweden's great, sure, but it's not the only way, and hey - have you ever thought about the fact that "osvenskt" actually has positive connotations even to Swedes... "Han är så osvensk", that normally means, open, friendly, outgoing. If people actually learned from other cultures, at least that life becomes more enjoyable if we start acknowledging each other by saying hi and maybe even smile once in a while - I bet even Swedes would feel less depressed and more connected to a oneness. I hope this will happen in my life time, no, I hope that it happens a lot sooner cause I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that it's "normal" to be rude.

And I hope I get a job :-)
Or, even better, create my own - HERE.

Thanks for your thoughts. Sorry that mine got so long-winded. Now I guess I'm going back to my job search.


Swedish woman, late 30’s – Lived abroad and currently lives in Sweden

George, this was strong reading...it made me sad, understanding your Swedish experience and also how we Swedes are: Why are we so ignorant and social incompetent......Believe me, even Swedes suffers from this.

Anyway glad to hear that you right now think: there is no better place than Sweden.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, feelings and experience,

Send my love to the rest of the family as well.


Swedish man, 40ish – Lived abroad and currently lives in Sweden

Thoughtful reading, George....more than sometimes I wonder what I’m doing here myself! :)

Have a super Thursday – you’re worth it for sure!


Swedish woman, late 20’s – Lived in Norway and currently lives in Sweden

Hej George

Hmm, you make us Swedes sound very dull. You are used to something because you are from the states. We are maybe subtle but not dull. I for one am very open and like to talk to all sorts of people. I can talk to someone anywhere and I am not afraid to start a conversation if I find someone interesting. It fells like you are judging us to hard just because you are used to something that we are not. There are also a lot of fun things to do here if you just make the effort to find it.

I am happy that u and your wife decided to live here because you are the sweetest people I have met. She is a wonderful woman and you are so lucky to have her. You are very handsome and funny. You are also loving to your family and I am jealous of you all, but in a good way :)

Hope you will enjoy it here, we enjoy having you.

(and you Americans shouldn’t just assume that everyone wants to talk English all the time just because some of us can, not all. One should always learn the language as you know now) :)


3 American men ages 40-45 – All have lived abroad and visited Sweden

For their comments, you can click on the article (link is below) and scroll down to comments at the end.

Blog: Gswede Sunday
Post: 5 Years in Sweden - No Place I'd Rather be...BUT
Link: http://gswede-sunday.blogspot.com/2009/04/5-years-in-sweden-there-is-no-place-id.html



Diversity outside or inside the workplace is a beautiful thing - A Swede living in Spain / An American living in the USA / A Swede living in Sweden / An American living in Sweden

5 Years in Sweden - No Place I'd Rather be...BUT

This past Thursday, I celebrated my 5th year in Sweden. As an adult, I have only lived in one other place for a longer period; New York City (NYC) where I spent a decade. I never compare any city to the Big Apple because it wouldn’t be fair as I can’t imagine a more fulfilling city! Living in Stockholm, Sweden has been frequently interesting, sometimes disappointing, often intriguing, at times wonderful and in many ways sour and sweet. As the title indicates, life is good...BUT; we will get to the “BUT” part later.

I will touch upon 4 main areas as I paint my picture for you; 1) Opinions about Sweden, 2) Advice I was Given, 3) My Expectations/Experiences and 4) The Reality Now.

1) Opinions about Sweden

Before coming to Sweden, I did my homework and talked to people living here, those who had lived in Stockholm previously and Swedes living in NYC. Most of the Swedish people were positive on my move although I was more concerned with the thoughts of ex-pats living here since I was making the move as a foreigner. What I heard surprised me.

The ex-pats I talked to were consistent in their message about how difficult it would be for me to find quality work as they found the business environment to be anti-foreigner. That was disappointing to hear but I believed and remembered it as that same theme would be the focal point of every conversation. One time, the Swedish wife of an American ex-pat said, “don’t be so negative” when he was talking to me on the phone. I actually appreciated his honesty as I wanted to know the reality. With every conversation, the tone of voice changed when the subject of finding work came up. There was no doubt in my mind that the career I had carefully and successfully built in America would take a blow.

During the job hunting process in my early years, I rarely received an interview from a Swedish company. When I did, it was clear that I was not going to be a finalist for the job. Ironically, one of the few and best interviews I secured occurred before I moved. It was from a top non-profit organization that did fundraising work with corporations, much along the lines of the fundraising work I was doing in NYC.

I was excited even though I had those ex-pat voices spinning in my head. I had the interview when my wife and I visited one month before our move. It was pleasant, enjoyable and obvious that I was the most qualified candidate. The VD (CEO) of this very well known organization said after, “You have more experience than all of the other six candidates combined”, which was nice to hear. He later said, “I can’t hire you because the employees wouldn’t be comfortable with a non-Swedish speaker”. Keep in mind that everyone spoke English. That was a bitter pill to swallow as I could have helped them immensely despite the language discomfort but they were more concerned with what I call “Comfort over Improvement” in hiring; something that occurs far too often here in regards to employing foreigners.

This mindset has become prevalent in some American Companies in Sweden as well. I asked an American CEO (over 300 employees) a few years ago if he would ever hire a person who didn’t speak fluent Swedish. His reply was “I could never do that George because my employees would never accept them”. And he was the boss! There are companies (Swedish and non-Swedish) in Sweden that do hire workers that don’t speak the language but mostly out of a real need as their business is international.

Always an optimist, I battled on hoping to find fulfilling work. I had some interesting consulting projects along with a few jobs that I was overqualified for. I also had the opportunity to work as a substitute teacher (typical work here for foreigners) which I really enjoyed. One of the best experiences was being hired by UNICEF Belgrade for a two month fundraising job in Serbia. After viewing my qualifications, the Belgrade office hired me within weeks. With UNICEF in Sweden, I have barely made any progress and it is not for lacking of trying. Fortunately, I was hired by a British company in 2007; just in the nick of time as I needed a quality job for my well-being and to build a meaningful life. It is no coincidence that the company I work for currently is one of the strongest in its field despite the economic crises. From the colleagues I know, their hiring process is based on merit and not comfort level.

2) Advice I was Given

I wanted an international experience and now that I have it, I firmly believe that when one lives in their home country for a lifetime, they miss out on one of the most rewarding and precious gifts; experiencing another culture. In addition, after ten fabulous years in NYC, most American cities wouldn’t have been the least bit enthralling.

I received good advice from a dear American friend living abroad, who told me to “be yourself, don’t try to be like them and embrace the culture of Sweden”. Her advice was not anti-Swedish; she was only telling me to appreciate my uniqueness and be open to the lifestyle which I’ve done. I have never tried to be anyone else but George and that has usually worked well for me.

Like most people moving abroad, one usually has some doubts and I had my moments of uncertainty as NYC was so intoxicating. My wife and I were visiting a friend (and mentor to me) in Washington, DC when the doubts were swirling in my head. When we had some private time, I asked him what he thought about my imminent move as I value his opinion immensely. Knowing me well, it didn’t take him long to answer the question. He looked at me, smiled and said “You have to do this George; it will be a great experience”. His simple and honest words comforted any small doubts remaining.

Two close friends told me to learn the language as soon as possible although they had it easier in their ex-pat experiences as English wasn’t spoken much in their country. In Sweden, one can get by without uttering one word of Swedish as English is taught at an early age. While I am disappointed that I am not fluent yet I am pleased in being able to hold a conversation and occasionally a meeting entirely in Swedish. The smart move would have been to do what a Canadian acquaintance did; she focused solely on learning Swedish in her first year.

3) My Expectations/Experiences:

I expected Stockholm to be an easier life and it has proven to be. Even though it is a big city to many Swedes, it is similar to a small town in my view. The subways and buses are great, getting appropriate Swedish papers was a breeze, healthcare is wonderful, the air is fresh, cultural activities are plentiful, the city is beautiful and there are abundant areas of forest and water surrounding Stockholm. In addition, numerous friends and family members have come to visit us.

Other than the aforementioned, I didn’t have any expectations as I hardly ever do. I wanted the city of Stockholm to come to me and have nothing clouding my experience. One thing I do remember is sleeping extremely deep in the first months as the city was as quiet as a mouse in our part of town, especially when you come from noisy Manhattan. It was hard to wake up in the morning! The weather outside of summer is generally crappy and sometimes the sun is not out for weeks. The darkness in winter (15:30pm/3:30pm pitch black at times) has never affected me although it does disturb many people.

Socially, Stockholm needs a major makeover. The best times I have had were events that I created or were a part of organizing. Even though the Swedes I know are likable and interesting people, one might never discover that as they tend to socialize with their friends primarily and not with Swedes outside of their circle or foreigners. I wanted to break that ice a bit and show them how to network and enjoy the company of new and different people. We have had some great nights mixing a variety of cultures in Stockholm, one being our 2006 Halloween party which people still talk about.

In my opinion, for a city to shine socially it needs to sizzle on its own without events being put together or having close friends nearby. Most of us could have fun with friends and people we know anywhere in the world! I need to feel a city without any easy comforts. One should be able to walk into a bar, jazz club, restaurant or nightspot and feel the vibe, meet some new people and get a bit of electricity in your body! Stockholm lacks that thrill socially unless you are 18-24 and like the mindless sizzle of primarily drinking.

To put things in perspective, I had more fun SOCIALLY in Belgrade, Serbia for two months than I have had in 5 years in Sweden. With the history of Serbia, I never thought the capital city would be so alive and open to other cultures. It was one of the best times of my life. Stockholm could learn a lot from Belgrade.

One of the main reasons we moved here was to have children. My Swedish wife and I knew it would be easier and more enjoyable to raise kids in this social welfare society as it is very pro-family. The system of day-care is efficient, has a low cost and is open to all toddlers. The government gives each family a monthly monetary amount (per child) which essentially covers most day-care costs. In addition, my wife is on her second maternity leave, this time for 1 year while I will be taking my second later this year. I was off full-time with my son for five months in 2007 and expect to do the same in 2009 with my daughter. My friends in America cannot even comprehend a man having time off with their kids and one is in disbelief every time we discuss it. I loved it as you get to know your child so intensely and get a sense of what mothers go through. I can’t wait until my daughter/father bonding time later this year.

I must thank Sweden for increasing my reading knowledge and sparking my entrepreneurial spirit. The years of inconsistent work gave me a chance to do things I might have never done. While I’ve frequently read books, I never would have read over 150 books in a 3 year period! The weekly blog you’re reading arose in this country and is the passion I enjoy the most. In addition, my “American Basketball Coach in Sweden” program began in 2005 and is in its 5th year of impacting youth utilizing basketball as a tool.

4) The Reality Now

I am a happy man and first and foremost, a family man. It would be hard to beat Sweden for the family-oriented luxury it provides working men and woman especially in this economic crises. We get to enjoy a family summer home located a stone’s throw away from the sea and sandy beach; an absolute treasure for our children. Most importantly, my kids are healthy, my wife is exceptional and I have a strong network of Swedish and international friends; I am grateful for that.

I like living in Stockholm. I can go outside my back door and go running, see horses, watch volleyball, enjoy hot air balloons in the sky, take a bike ride, see boats breezing by, have a picnic and go sledding with my kids in winter. How many major cities would that be possible in? Socially, one can only hope that things will improve especially for the 32-55 year old crowd and not just be a bright spot for giggly and unfocused youngsters.

The sour taste that will remain until improved is the dire straights that many decent and competent foreigners find themselves in after moving here. I know people who would compromise fiercely to find a job remotely close to their level of experience yet the sad truth is that most will never get the chance.

Americans surprised me as well as many people in Sweden when we elected a qualified and admirable minority man to be President of the United States. Times were tough and we were not afraid to do something extraordinary; something that probably would not have happened if economic times had been good.

The question I am wondering about is this:

If the good times begin to fade (already begun) for Swedish companies, will the leaders of these organizations do the extraordinary; have the wisdom and courage to break away from their comfort zone by embracing diversity and hiring foreigners who can help the business improve? Being an optimist, I remain hopeful. Not only is it the right thing to do but smart business as well in our increasingly diverse world.

A creative American who has lived in Sweden for over a decade wrote to me about the opportunity for qualified foreigners which included some wise advice:

“The phrase “wisdom and courage to hire” is foreign to the phrase “Swedish-owned businesses”. The inherent tradition of “not sticking out” aka Jante Lagen, discourages winners and subsequently the business community at large. The key to success for foreigners is to network; money is for the privileged so establishing a relationship is the only means of survival”.

Finally, these parting words:

There is no place I would rather be with my wife and two children than Sweden

BUT…

If we didn’t have children, Sweden would be near the bottom of my list of countries to live in.

Happy Gswede Sunday!



One of many activities outside of Gswede's home in Stockholm!