Doing Less and "BEING" More

Below are a paragraph and link from my 2009 article about women who carry the impossible weight of GREAT on their shoulders:

"On a gorgeous summer day earlier this month, I enjoyed coffee, light snacks and good conversation with three lovely Swedish mothers and the subject of “Doing it all” came up; translation – being a Great Mother, a Great Wife, in Great Shape along with having a Great Career. I heard similar talk amongst several moms in Sweden and the USA previously with some having Superwoman desires for an unrealistic goal."

Article - Great Mother, Great Wife, Great Shape, Great Career - Impossible

Here’s an eloquent response I received recently from a former college girlfriend – a woman I was fond of from the moment we met:

‎"Great mother, great wife, great shape, great career..." oh the pressure!! I'm exhausted already! Boring! Forget it! Throw in the towel! For me it isn't about "doing it all," but learning how to do LESS with a little more mediocrity! I can just "be" and that is good enough. We all reflect greatness when we live in alignment with our values."

What I love about the aforementioned paragraph is the focus on simply being. Why do so many find it hard to just BE?  My article was about women who try to DO IT ALL yet many men fall into the same category. As she says, “learn to do LESS with a bit of mediocrity”….a statement I agree with.

In addition, her line about “reflecting greatness when we live in alignment with our values” is powerful.  How many of you truly live in alignment with your values?  

If you let life dictate how you live instead of CYA or Controlling Your Agenda (My CYA article), your alignment will be off.  

If you try to DO too much because you want to be like others who DO more than you, your alignment will be crooked.

If your TO DO LIST is more important than your “family or me time”, alignment is often difficult to get right.

If you are constantly DOING and DOING and DOING things with your kids instead of letting them relax now and then and just BE, chances are that your alignment will have some curves.  Do you really want your children to grow up never being able to deal with boredom and always looking to find the next task?

In the last few years, I’ve found some parental conversations to have a familiar tone when it’s raining outside. Friends are calling each other and asking, “What are you doing?” or “What should we do since it’s raining?”.  Did the thought ever occur to them to a) relax in the house with their kids, or b) give them some quiet time or just BE?

I realize our worlds are busier and more complex than prior generations and often require more endurance from us in terms of work and being a parent, yet that is no excuse for pushing ourselves to exhaustion and/or missing out on the preciousness of life. 

Since life is often hectic, it is extremely important to take a few steps back when possible and relax instead of chasing the DOING part or the unattainable GREATNESS you may seek.  The To Do’s in life aren’t going anywhere.

Don’t “beat yourself up” as this mother candidly admitted in another response to my article:

"Essentially, what I am saying is that I am not able to be great, less alone good at all areas at the same time. What I have learned after many years of beating myself up for it, is that it is OK. As long as I do my best and try to meet everyone I come across (family, work, etc) with compassion and honesty, I am satisfied."

I learned a long time ago how important it is to just be and relax, not just once in a while but everyday.  Even though life can get in the way at times, I find it much easier to soak in the joys and challenges of daily life by just being.

Maybe slowing down a bit and choosing the path of some of the words below may help you get off of the endless treadmill of DOING and get on the healthier path of LIVING:

--   Less is More

--     Just BEING is good enough

--     Kids don’t have to DO SOMETHING all the time

--     Being GREAT is difficult to achieve with one life element and nearly impossible with more than one

--     Relax, Relax, Relax

--     Smell the Roses EVERYDAY not just on vacation

--     Value your “Me Time”

--     Teach your kids how to deal with boredom

--     Be Genuine

--     Don’t envy those who may DO more than you; it’s not a competition.

--     Breath

--     Have Compassion

--     Be Grateful for Life

--     Give and Love

--     Nothing is more important than your health – Move the body

--     Less Stress, Less Stress, Less Stress – Crucial to your Health

--     Reflect Greatness by Living in Alignment with your Values

The most well-rounded people I know and admire exude many elements on the aforementioned list.  In addition, they DO a lot yet don’t get stressed and/or obsessed by it,  they prioritize the art of relaxing especially with their kids,  they give more than they receive, they take care of their health and know that life is NOT about how much we can accomplish.

They don’t know it all, or claim to know all or care about knowing it all. What they do know is this:

The true essence of life is about being/living in the moment and enjoying the small and/or beautiful moments that occur each and every day

Just Be.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

My friend Tony knows how to BE in the moment although he has been known to DO too much sometimes. His photo is above along with his quote below:

"After a beautifully warm Saturday, a freezing fog descended on Stockholm overnight, turning the trees into sculptures. I can't wait for the sun to light them up today! :)"