2 men who CHOSE UNWISELY in Marriage (Update)

I’ve consistently told people that who you marry is the most important decision you will make in your lifetime.

A key element of the marriage process is choosing a spouse. In my opinion, it’s a choice that if made without careful evaluation of your needs and how that person fits those needs, usually results in an OK life at best or a life of complete misery in the worst case.

In a 2008 article titled “Losing your Life; All at Once or One Day at a Time”, here’s what I wrote about two friends who didn’t choose wisely in marriage:

Two of the most dynamic and appealing men I know are as they say, "caught between a rock and a hard place". Lately, they have been on my mind as they have common ground in life similarities and level of marital suffering.

I have spent quality time (infrequently) with both men and we share a friend dear to all of us. At a point in the near future, I hope they gain the courage and inspiration to change their lives and move forward in a positive and productive manner. My gut feeling is that they are getting little or no advice in order to improve their situation; something many people need, particularly in an unhealthy marriage.
http://gswede-sunday.blogspot.com/2008/11/losing.html

Th update:

Surprising no one and to my expectation, the first man and his wife are no longer together. Even though they have a child, there seems to be an amicable relationship with regards to raising the child in the most positive way. Because of the inauspicious beginning of their relationship, a life together would not have been pleasant; in some ways they were doomed from the start.

I haven’t talked with the second man in quite some time although we exchange emails occasionally. He is making the best of his situation.

During our last email conversation, I could almost feel the pain and frustration through his words. He knows he made an unwise marriage choice yet he is staying positive and doing what is necessary to make it work.

It’s admirable for him to stay with his family and young children as some men would have left the situation years ago. In my opinion, couples with young children should do everything possible to keep the family together as long as doing so is a positive for the children. Sometimes, splitting up is the best thing (like the aforementioned friend) although more often than not, couples need to try harder before ending a relationship.

Another passage from the 2008 article is below:

If asked, my message to them would be:

Although you made the mistake of choosing the wrong life partner, it is never too late to turn that negative into a positive. You are two of the most interesting men I know but you have built yourself a "house of cards", that while still standing, is not far from collapse. You must DO SOMETHING about it with regard to moving your life and the life of your family forward. There are only two paths to take; Attempting to gain your happiness back in marriage OR a journey in the other less favorable direction (divorce) which could actually be the best thing for everyone in the long run. Each day you "dangle in the wind" is another day of lost hope while the abyss gets deeper and deeper.
http://gswede-sunday.blogspot.com/2008/11/losing.html

Are you unhappy in your marriage? If so, what are you doing about it?

If you’re about to be married, have you thought carefully about your choice?

If you want to be married some day, do you know what you are looking for?

Whatever the situation may be, ACT NOW so you’re not stuck in a life of pain or a future marriage that you don’t desire.

My two friends made unwise marriage choices and have paid and will continue to pay the price for it. You don't have to make the same mistake.

Be Wiser.

Be Bold.

Know what you are looking for.

Evaluate.

Choose Wisely.

Think about what you really want before it’s too late.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

The Beauty of Spring in Sweden!