While visiting New York City in late 2007, I was telling someone that I recently started 5 months of parental leave (Föräldraledighet in Swedish) with my then 9 month old son.He immediately replied, "that is great, 5 weeks off".
Smiling I said, "No, I have 5 MONTHS off"!
The look of disbelief on his face was priceless. His surprise was quite natural given that most women in America (and many in Europe) have less time off when they have a baby. One of the many childcare benefits in Sweden is the excellent parental leave which fathers are also encouraged to make use of. Another plus is that the government pays you during this time - I received 80% of my salary!
Some interesting facts about why Sweden is one of the best places in the world for raising children:
-- I received 2 weeks off (government paid) directly after the birth of both children.
-- I received 2 weeks off (government paid) directly after the birth of both children.
-- I received 5 months off from work with the government paying the majority of my salary, to take care of my son Lennart, and am now doing the same with my daughter Nova-Li.
-- My wife was on maternity leave 10 months with our son and 9 months with our daughter.
-- By law an employer must allow you to take parental leave time off.
-- Each family is paid a monthly subsidy by the government per child.
-- Daycare (starting earliest at age 1) cost a maximum of what equals 100 dollars per month which is approximately the same sum as the aforementioned subsidy.
In February 2008, I was talking to my boss and he said, "you are probably more tired but less stressed compared to working". He nailed it right on the head! It's a good thing I can function well with 5-6 hours of sleep as our son at that time woke up quite early just as our 9 month old daughter does now. Though frequently tired, there is nothing like having the privilege of hanging out with and taking care of your own child. All day, every day. The things you learn, the different stages you experience (i.e. walking) are very rewarding.
Many friends in America were happy for me but I could tell that some couldn't comprehend the length of my time off as most men in America only have a few days at home after their child is born. When I told them that I also received two weeks off paid (Swedish law) after the birth of each child, some were even more surprised. I was happy to see that a male childhood friend in Boston had 4-5 months off with his children which is a rarity in America. It's sad that more fathers in America don't get or want this opportunity as it is a joy to experience.
In Stockholm, there are many places to go with children while on leave (i.e. free open pre-schools or cultural centers) where they have great activities for kids. In addition, I have friends who are on parental leave simultaneously so I invite them to my house, they reciprocate or we meet at a cafe or restaurant. There are numerous parks in every part of the city which we also enjoy. Like their mother, our children love the outdoors. Their smiles and demeanor's once outside is intoxicating!
I have always loved kids and especially seeing the joy in their faces for the simplest of things. Having a chance to witness that with my own son and now daughter sometimes brings me to tears. Never one to cry much, the tears flow much easier now (which is a good thing). The picture isn't always rosy. When I was home with Lennart, there were days when it was hard, with crappy (rain and clouds it seemed daily) Swedish winter weather and the sometimes endless changing of clothes and diapers! That feeling never lasts long as having the time to not work and focus solely on a child and his/her development is a wonderful thing.
A few weeks ago I began my second parental leave with my 9 month old daughter - once again for 5 months. In the first few weeks, my wife has already noticed a deeper bond between father and daughter. I thought this time might be easier but I wasn't thinking of the extra work I didn't incur the first time around as I was only responsible for our son. This time I have two kids although only my daughter all day. My son is in day-care from 8:30am to 3:00pm.
Gswede's son Lennart
This was my schedule this past Monday:05:30am -- Wake up with daughter.
06:30am -- My wife and I feed the kids and get them dressed.
8:00am -- My wife goes to work.
8:15am -- Gswede is out the door with both kids.
8:30am -- Gswede drops son at daycare and hangs out at home with daughter until she falls asleep around 9:30am.
10:30am -- Daughter wakes up and gets snack. Gswede takes her outside and back for lunch around 12:00pm.
12:30pm -- She falls asleep.
12:30pm -- Gswede relaxes for 90 minutes doing emails, writing, making plans etc. (Daily "Me Time" is important even for stay at home moms/and dads).
2:30pm -- Gives daughter snack and gets her ready to go pick up her brother.
4:00pm -- Gswede and daughter pick up son.
4:15pm -- Takes both to park until 5:15pm.
6:00pm -- My wife and I prepare the dinner and everyone eats together.
7:00pm -- Lights out for both kids.
9:00pm -- I crash on the couch during a movie.
A busy day yet invaluable to experience as it gives a man an idea of what mothers go through - something most men never get the opportunity to do. One interesting fact about parental leave in Sweden is:
Fathers take on average only 20 percent of the 16 months of paid parental leave offered in Sweden to either mums or dads, according to Statistics Swede—a skimpy average that has sparked a broad debate over how to encourage more fathers to take the paid time off and reduce inequalities in the home. ( http://www.thelocal.se/10420/20080312/)
I understand that in some cases the financial aspect of taking time off is prohibitive. There are however some men who simply choose not to take advantage of the opportunity offered and I find that to be a real shame. I know dads who could afford to take the time off but would rather work. You can read more at the links below regarding fathers, parental leave in general and our Swedish childcare system.
I am thankful for the opportunity to spend 5 months with my precious daughter. We have a beautiful bond already and this luxury will allow that bond to grow deeper and deeper. Fathers, If you have the chance, take it. A little sacrifice could make a world of difference in the bond with and growth of your child. The early years go quickly so seize the moment.
Happy Gswede Sunday!
Gswede's wife Matilda and daughter Nova-Li
Son Lennart
2 comments:
"Excellent article George!
you are doing the children, parents and our society (and world) a favour for the better by sharing this information.
I also would like to turn the argument around to all who claim shared care of our children will lead to a male identity crises: If that would be the case, it subsequently would also mean an identity crises for women, due to less time with children..."
"George--fascinating article. Of course, you had already given me the up-close-and-personal story during my visit. I'm still working on my wife...unfortunately, she can't really survive "real" winters. :-) If we accelerate global warming, I might have a chance to move to Sweden. Hope you're well my friend."
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