Improving your Patience

My first article in 2009 is called, "Life is (and should be) all about the Benefits". The link is below. One of the most important benefits in that article is patience. I find that those with patience are generally happier and tend to enjoy the precious moments of life at a deeper level. For those with little or no patience, I implore you to make the effort to improve.

http://gswede-sunday.blogspot.com/2009/01/life-is-and-should-be-all-about.html

I speak from experience as my twenties were full of impatient moments including an exchange with a dry cleaning employee that makes me cringe to this day. I was rude to her for being slow along with the fact that my newly pressed shirt collar was wrinkled. It was a moment I will never forget as my friend Sean (an extremely patient person) looked at me with disdain and provided a voice of reason to a situation that might have escalated. That employee had nothing to do with my shirt and her service wasn't that slow - it was only me trying to control the situation and being impatient. Since that day, my patience has improved significantly by reading books, listening to authors I respect, getting advice from friends and working tirelessly to focus on the moment despite the circumstances.

Daily, I marvel at the impatience of people and often want to reach out to help them. Recently, I witnessed a mother (with two small children) at a bus-stop who missed the bus by a few minutes. She wasn't happy and her agitated composure left no doubt about it. Will our life change that dramatically if we miss a subway, bus or train and have to wait ten or twenty minutes? One should look at this time as a chance to explore (the aforementioned children were enjoying the bus-stop) a new area or relax or if alone, pull out a book and read a few pages.

Patience is invaluable with children or you can miss the beauty of their actions or personalities. The author Richard Carlson wrote an insightful book in 1997 called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff". I encourage you to read it as it is filled with advice on slowing down and keeping stress low in your life. In his section on patience, he talks about when his four-year-old daughter interrupts his writing:

What I have learned to do (most of the time) is to see the innocence in her behavior rather than to focus on the potential implications of her interruption. I remind myself why she is coming to see me - because she loves me, not because she is conspiring to ruin my work. When I remember to see the innocence, I immediately bring forth a feeling of patience, and my attention is brought back to the moment. Any irritation that may have been building is eliminated and I'm reminded, once again, of how fortunate I am to have such beautiful children.
-- Richard Carlson, PHD


Many of us (including me) have to deal with impatient people and often, it is stressful. I embrace these encounters and use it as a chance to practice my patience. By being patient and not reacting negatively to their impatience, the mood sometimes lightens and calm fills the atmosphere. This is not always the case and occasionally one should just walk away from a tense situation that could spiral into a horribly stressful moment - a moment that has no benefits for any of the people involved.

If you want to improve your patience, consider Dr. Carlson's advice of "Patience Practice Periods" from his book:

Start by saying to yourself, "Okay, for the next five minutes I won't allow myself to be bothered by anything. I'll be patient." What you'll discover is truly amazing. Your intention to be patient, especially if you know it's only for a short while, immediately strengthens your capacity for patience. Once you reach little milestones - five minutes of successful patience- you'll begin to see that you do, indeed, have the capacity to be patient, even for longer periods of time.
--Richard Carlson, PHD


Lately, I've been saying "Don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff" to some friends and family members. It can be irritating to hear in some instances yet it never fails to remind that person of their impatience with rather insignificant "small stuff".

Give some thought to improving your patience if you care about your well being and lowering the stress in your life. If you take that step, your life should be enhanced significantly and your children, friends and those you come in contact with will benefit from it. Impatience throughout life could translate into high stress levels, missing the special moments and grooming children to be impatient - a life I don't think anyone aspires to have.

Even though I'm a very patient person, I get tested daily from living in a foreign country and having young children. My thoughts are sometimes impatient although my actions towards my children, wife, mother, friends or those I come in contact with are usually filled with patience, love and positivity.

Slow Down, Be Patient, Stay Positive...and (yes, I have to say it)...

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

Patience prevails in this amazing setting in Vermont - a shot from the cabin of my childhood friend Don. Gswede has enjoyed this relaxed atmosphere on many occasions.

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