"Love at First Sight" DOES NOT EXIST

At least twice a year, someone tells me or I hear, “When we met, it was Love at First Sight”. Each time I chuckle inside wondering if they really believe what I consider to be nonsense. Occasionally, I challenge the comment by asking them to explain what “love at first sight” means and the response is usually simplistic or based on fairytale logic.

Unfortunately, there are those who believe that a Prince or Princess will whisk them away on a white horse to a life of heavenly bliss.

The late Princess Diana was probably one of those and actually got a real life Prince Charles. Maybe she was in love and not enthralled by the majesty of it all yet the end result was a sad life with a man who would never love her. After the divorce, the Princess looked and acted positive although her soul was probably tarnished forever. Does anyone really think she would have died so tragically if she had never married her Prince?

At my son’s day-care, the most common costume on the majority of girls is (you guessed it) a Princess. It’s okay to dress up in this manner although seeing these 3-5 year olds twirling around in their fairytale costumes makes me wonder if they really believe in a dream that will never manifest in most human beings.

I found out earlier this year that young boys aren’t immune to such thinking as a father told me that all his 3 year old son talks about is “getting his princess”. This dad was clearly annoyed at this daily chatter. I’ve never heard such disdain from a father regarding the ways in which children are bombarded with fantasy via cartons, videos, books, internet etc. Like me, he found it to be nonsense.

I don’t object to children having dreams or playing dress-up or even acting like a Princess as long as a child grows up knowing that there is no magic wand that will give a person happiness in a relationship or marriage. A responsible and focused parent will typically make sure that is not the case.

For those without good guidance or mentorship, the fairytale aspect of our youth can be a factor in leading one to base important decisions like marriage on emotion. In my opinion, one of the main reasons why people get divorced in many countries is due to irrational emotion, or in simple terms “fantasy”.

Can the belief of “love at first sight” lead one to success? Absolutely but it has more to do with luck than anything else. I played a role in helping two friends meet and the woman fell for the man instantly, leaving no doubt about her love. She has told me that it was “love at first sight”. Keep in mind that she would have fallen for anyone as her previous husband was NOT a good man. She just happened to get a man who was nice and kind to her. They have been married a long time. What if she hadn’t been so lucky?

On the flip side of luck comes reality for those that carry a fantasy world view into adulthood. A close friend met a seemingly dynamic woman and fell for her like a one wing duck. It was “love at first sight” and he made up his mind within weeks that he would marry her despite the fact that almost none of his friends supported the union including his own mother. They divorced within two years after having a child. His initial fantasy will cause him a lifetime of pain.

Reality is the place that should be pressed upon our youth at least as much as the life of luxury filled with diamonds, happy relationships and no problems; a life that won’t exist for most. Past American TV shows like Robin Leach’s, “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” haven’t helped with its signature line, “Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams”. MTV’s “Cribs”, which showcases the homes of famous people, is also guilty of creating a fantasy of false hope.

The show that children should be watching more often is a parental one. I don’t know enough parents who tell (or better yet lead by example) their kids the following:

Life is going to be at the very least difficult. In order to prosper, you will have to learn about yourself, love yourself, continue to evolve as a person and choose a way in life that will make you happy. No other person can make you happy. In addition, you cannot base important decisions in life SOLEY on emotion without taking into account the real life consequences of your actions. It is okay and important to dream about your desires or goals as long as you know that it will usually take HARD WORK, discipline and persistence to achieve those dreams. Responsibility as an individual will take you far in life, Irresponsibility is no different than rolling dice and hoping for a lucky 7.

Let’s replace “Love at First Sight” with a more appropriate saying:

LUST AT FIRST SITE!

Lusting tendencies after meeting a particular person does happen and I have seen it occur on numerous occasions. Even LIKE AT FIRST SITE makes sense to me as I have met several friends who I have liked immediately.

In my opinion, “Love at First Site” doesn’t exist because love takes time to nurture, develop and grow. It is not an instant bond that means two people belong together. If one believes in the saying, aren’t they discounting the potential lack of honesty, integrity or loyalty in a person? One surely can’t know those things AT FIRST SIGHT.

Whatever one’s definition of love might be is irrelevant although I hope TRUST is a big factor in loving someone. In my view, it should be the main ingredient for any relationship. Since one cannot possibly know a person’s TRUST level upon a first meeting, how can one be in LOVE AT FIRST SITE?

On the top of my blog, is the theme of Gswede Sunday which I call “Knowledge and Inspiration based in Reality”. For those whose bubble may have been burst by my words, I hope you got a small dose of education or a bit of inspiration to keep your life based in reality. If you do that, love will come to you. Whether you are ready for it is a topic for another day.

If not, you may be waiting quite a long time for your Knight in Shining Armor.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

Gswede was a substitute teacher for this group of first grade students in Stockholm, Sweden. Will they be searching for their Prince or live a life based in Reality?