He said, “Du är så duktig med din son på bussen” (You are so good with your son on the bus). Bewildered and curious at his words, I felt right away that this would be one of those interesting moments in life. I immediately said “Tack så mycket” (thanks so much) and did recognize him from previous rides but wondered why he was giving me such kind praise.
He went on to say, “I see a lot of children who say Mamma, Mamma but the parent keeps talking on the mobile phone. I think it is a shame”. We had a great conversation about this subject and he was genuinely upset as what he obviously witnessed time and time again. I agreed with him as it is quite selfish and bad parenting to a) be on a mobile phone when one is with a child and b) to stay on it when the child wants attention.
Since I am focused on my son during our bus rides, I never experienced the full depth of his displeasure. During the next few days, I made a point to observe parents with children on the bus and it didn’t take long before a mother displayed exactly what the man was complaining about.
The scenario:
A mother entered the bus with her 2 year old son talking on her mobile phone. Not only was she ignoring her child once she got situated; she was also loud and everyone could hear her conversation which is annoying on its own. Her child looked up several times (with a pacifier in his mouth) to get her attention but to no avail as she continued to talk and laugh for 10 minutes with barely a glance at her son.
We got off the bus at the same stop and the mobile phone was still in her ear. She nearly ran into my son and me as she was so engrossed in her conversation. I watched her cross the street (still talking) and walk until she was out of my sight. For 15 minutes, she had the opportunity to talk with her son and have some fun with him before daycare. Instead, she chose what seemed to be a meaningless phone conversation.
I do understand that we live in a mobile world and sometimes one does need to take a call or send a sms/text message as there are urgencies in our busy lives. I have occasionally done it myself but 95% of the time, I never use my mobile phone when I am with my son whether it is in the park, at the mall or on a bus. In my book, this is a great time to bond and teach a child especially on a bus as there are many fun things to observe and people to interact with.
To be fair, I am a serial sms/text person and my wife does get annoyed with me sometimes when I am alone with her but I have improved in that area immensely compared to a few years ago. Sweden is savvy in technology and I caught that bug when we moved here. If one is not careful, mobile phones along with the internet/email can overwhelm a person. I learned my lesson.
After hearing about my bus experience, my wife reminded me that kids learn from WHAT WE DO - NOT FROM WHAT WE SAY. So true. I firmly believe that the impact we make on our children when they are young (especially 2-5 years) goes a long way in determining what kind of people they will grow up to be.
At some point soon, I hope that mother realizes that a mobile phone should never take the place of a child.
Happy Gswede Sunday!
Men in Black - Gswede and Brother-in-Law at a 2002 wedding in Provence, France
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