Moving at the Speed of George

"Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow."

(Plato)

We have a dear friend we affectionately call “Molasses” as nobody in our inner circle has his snail pace, although I’ve been told that I’m a close 2^nd.  Yes, I do take my time, rarely rush and move at my own speed; something that has contributed to low stress and inner peace.

I was this way from a young age and I know it was helped by my only child status. Time was my friend and I enjoyed being in the moment. In addition, I don’t remember any days being rushed in childhood. My parents were exemplary in this regard as I learned from their actions. My mood or childish behaviour never dictated a rushed experience for them. It was clear from the start, who was the parent and who was the child.

It’s sometimes disheartening to witness people rushing through life and I’ve often wondered why they feel the need to do so. I’ve found that very few things are worth a frantic pace. Yes, if my kid is on fire, I will rush yet rarely do in everyday situations with them. I maintain my calm and stay composed, which has been a positive.

I understand that some are raised by impatient parents, which can mean the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I’m no authority on parenthood, although logic leads me to believe that impatience and/or rushing with your children won’t be a good thing for them in the formative years and beyond.

In my opinion, self control and patience are critical to success, balance and low levels of stress and that doesn’t bode well for those whose parents are constantly moving at the speed of sound.

Does my wife put a spring in my step now and then? Indeed she does. That’s okay though as it’s often needed and she is highly efficient in most of her ways, despite getting the rushing bug from time to time. We have helped each other immensely as her efficiency has rubbed off on me and I hope my patience has been a positive for her.

If you’re a rushaholic, I implore you to take the time to learn how to change, particularly if you have young children. A whole new world will open up if you are willing to take the bold step. Maybe you only need a slight improvement in patience? If so, slow down and work on being more consistent.

The key is to find the comfort and speed that works for how you want to live your life. Dictate your own pace.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

Relaxing after my favorite run - A 5k in 30 minutes

Resolve to be Happy

If someone were to ask me to select a quote that could impact a substantial part of our global population, if adhered to, I would choose this one:

“Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.”
(Helen Keller)

You may say…”Being happy is not that simple or easy to do."

I would say, “Why not?" In my opinion, happiness is a state of mind, not a state of circumstances.

I’m close to several people who many would trade lives with in less than a second, yet happiness eludes them. Even with a multitude of life advantages, they are continuously looking for more or are never satisfied. It’s very hard to be happy that way.

I wrote about one such friend below; a guy who nearly threw his good life away. He’s in a much better place now.

Article - Not Appreciating What He Has

Many of the happiest people I know don’t have lots of money and aren’t the most successful, yet they display happiness in abundance and never fail to inspire me. They are grateful for what they have and find joy in whatever comes their way. Some have very tough lives but keep happiness in their heart.

I write from experience as I wasn’t happy for a period of time in my mid 20’s.  Adjusting to the real world after college wasn’t easy after a childhood of double privilege – good parents and glorious formative years as a high school basketball star. In addition, I had the rare and comfortable college experience as a “basketball scholarship student-athlete” at the University of Vermont.

Unbeknownst to me, Boston would provide the struggle that was missing in my earlier years.

Overall, my 4 years in Boston were good and I met numerous new friends; many of whom are still close to me. In addition, my career was flowing smoothly, yet my lack of optimism and happiness was apparent from time to time. I knew I couldn’t live this way. Even though life was progressing well and I was being responsible, there were moments when I couldn’t see it or feel it or be it - the essence of unhappiness

I don’t remember how or why I was inspired to “choose happiness”, although I clearly remember the moment. It coincided with a move from Boston to Pennsylvania (maybe the catalyst) and it was as if a big 12k (26lb) weight was lifted from my shoulders. It felt great!  I silently made a commitment to be happy for as long as I lived.

My life since then has been fantastic, yet like most, not without its share of challenges, disappointments and difficulties. During the trying times, happiness kept me going in a positive direction. That happiness resolve was like a lighting bolt at times – brightening up some of my most unsettling situations. Also, I made sure to stay surrounded by joyful friends as it was easy to feed off their positivity.

Everyone struggles at some point and Boston was my time.

"Because of the Boston trials and tribulations, I was a better, kinder, stronger & more prepared man for what was to come - most notably 10 fabulous years in New York City, happy travels to Europe & living as an ex-pat in Sweden. Without Beantown, I would not have been ready to tackle my diverse life."

Article - Struggle, Your Greatest Teacher

If you are not happy, be bold and make the changes necessary. The path towards happiness is waiting.  It may require a simple remedy like mine (attitude adjustment) or a more complex approach.  Do what it takes and make the commitment.

SEE the good in your life, FEEL the love of friends and family around you and BE in the moment.

Resolve to Be Happy.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

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Struggle, Your Greatest Teacher

"Embrace Struggle. It is your Greatest Teacher"
(Russell Simmons)

I never understood that quote growing up as everything came easy for me due to my basketball skills. Many wanted to be my friend, there was virtually no peer pressure and most people were extremely nice to me during my formative years. I knew I was being treated differently due to my sports popularity, although the ease it brought to my life was comforting as it allowed me to concentrate solely on my school work and enhancing my basketball development.

Obtaining a 4 year basketball scholarship to the University of Vermont (UVM) just continued the “Magic Carpet ride”. Of course struggle popped up from time to time but nothing worth talking about.

After 21 years of leisure, a new city came my way and life was very different.

My first 4 working years were spent in Boston, which gave me immense struggles in every facet of life. Whether it was work, relationships or the city itself, there was rarely a time when one or something new wasn’t rearing its ugly head in the form of struggle.

I wrote this article about Boston and the tone leaves little doubt about my feelings.

Boston Celtics - Misunderstood in a City that Frequently Sleeps

Maybe I was a bit harsh in that article, although it was how I felt living there. Subsequent visits to the city in the last 20 years have seen an abundance of good times.

I realize that I had to go through the hardships in order to become a stronger person. Going from an entire childhood of bliss and lack of significant struggle, along with a wonderful college journey, made any experience after that a challenge. I’m proud I fought through the tough times and made a good life in Boston, but it was often very difficult.

The highlight of those Boston years were the friendships I made. Not only did my new friends help lift my spirit, many have stayed close to me for over 25 years. I am extremely grateful for that.

Because of the Boston trials and tribulations, I was a better, kinder, stronger & more prepared man for what was to come - most notably 10 fabulous years in New York City, happy travels to Europe & living as an ex-pat in Sweden. Without Beantown, I would not have been ready to tackle my diverse life.

Boston was a GREAT teacher.

I’ve learned not to run away from any struggles and tend to recommend that to my friends as well. If we embrace struggle, there is usually a worthwhile lesson waiting for us. 

Happy Gswede Sunday!

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PostCards – Nothing To It But To Do It

My aunt in California sends my family at least 3 postcards a year, especially when she is traveling. It never fails to bring a smile to my face.

After receiving the latest one not long ago, I was inspired to send one to a good friend. It took me less than 5 minutes to do.

Why don’t more of us (including myself) take the time to drop a postcard in the mail now and then? The beauty of postcards in not only do they typically have an interesting image on them; they are also plentiful as I tend to look at the vast assortment when I’m on the road.

Here’s what I am going to do:

My goal is to send 6 postcards a year, with the plan of building up to 12 (one a month) in the years to come.

Maybe postcards don’t excite or inspire you. In that case, I encourage you to write a letter or two per year. I realize “Snail Mail” or letters mailed through the post office has faded dramatically in the last ten years, although don’t you get excited when you get a personal letter from someone? I do.

Remember, don’t use “I don’t have time” as an excuse. Like anything, if it is important to you, you will find the time. The 6 postcards I will send this year will take 1 hour to do in total, including mailing them.

Along with the aforementioned postcard I recently sent, I was also inspired to send two other letters; both with articles in them.

Will you join me in revitalizing the postcard?

The warmth and personal touch of a postcard is a beautiful thing. Let’s not let it become a thing of the past.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

A postcard I saw at someone's home

If It's Violins She Loves, Let Them Play

Compliment what she does

Send her roses just because
If it's violins she loves

Let them play

(One Hundred Ways - James Ingram)

I love that song and those words......Just Because.

When is the last time you sent a note, gift or postcard "just because"?

 How about flowers, a hug or words of appreciation to a loved one?

Or a smile to a stranger or a compliment to a friend?

Or a call/email to a person you have lost contact with "just because"?

Since I have been in Sweden, I can count on two hands the number of people who have reached out to me of their own volition. I understand the “out of sight, out of mind” philosophy, yet that never stops me from contacting a good portion of my USA circle "just because". And it never fails to touch them.

I encourage you to do more things (anything) "just because".  It’s an easy way to bring more love and warmth into our complex world, not to mention yours. Start with doing something once a month and progress from there. 

It doesn’t have to be big or take much time; it only needs to be sincere. One of the best emails I ever received was from a close NYC friend, a year after leaving the Big Apple for Sweden. It said:

"Just thinking about you G, how are you".

Very simple, yet one I have never forgotten. 

Happy Gswede Sunday!

A Dream Fulfilled, A Wish Denied

In high school, I was extremely fond of a lovely girl who attended a school nearby. She had everything I liked (and then some) and I wished for nothing more than for us to be a couple. I tried and tried, yet something was always holding her back.

Fortunately, I was a popular basketball star, so the constant disappointment of never getting close to her was always short lived, as the team occupied most of my time.

We talked on the phone often, yet rarely spent time alone. I thought that maybe it was my color holding us back, although the special moments we did share left no doubt about her sincerity.

Connecting with her in 2011, after many lost years was refreshing. She brought up the subject of why she kept her distance during our teenage years – namely the racism of her mother.

Below is part of an email she wrote.

So I came to a decision that you and I couldn't see each other anymore because I was afraid I would get caught. It was one of the worst things I've ever done and I have always felt bad about it and regretted it. I felt you deserved a girlfriend who you could be with without all of the crap and hiding that came with me.

--

That day my mom said I could not see you made any choice I made the wrong one.  She put me in a trick box and then several years later she wanted to do it herself. And honestly it would not have been so maddening if she had said to me “look, I met this guy who is black, I realize I told you that you couldn't date a black man and I was wrong. Do you mind if I give it a go?”

She didn’t and took a chapter of my life and stomped all over it as if it didn't matter.

--

But this one hurts the most because I really really really liked you and yet I could not.

--

I let her know that I understood why she stayed away as it was obvious from the tone of her writing how painful it was for her to have a mother dictating her early years. No child should have to endure that type of pressure.

Since my formative years were free of any significant racism, I’ve sometimes wondered how my world would have been impacted, had I known about her mother’s distaste for me.

I’d like to think I would have handled it calmly, like subsequent racial incidents I’ve experienced, although I’m not so sure. If I had known, my future actions and/or thoughts may have been profoundly different.

I had one Major Dream in high school – to become good enough at basketball to obtain a Division 1 college scholarship. That was fulfilled. I had several wishes during that time, with one being my desire for her to be my girlfriend. That wish was denied.  

I had a wonderful childhood, experiencing life in the way I wanted, with education, family and basketball being my main priorities. Other than her aloofness, everything went as planned for me. For that, I’m grateful.

Maybe it was a good thing we were kept apart, as it allowed me to deal with rejection/struggle early on and learn an important lesson I would never forget – “You can’t always get what you want”.

Happy Gswede Sunday! 

Basketball has helped me to fulfill many of my Dreams.

"Choose Wisely" - Use it and Pass it On

If there is one thing we can attempt to do wisely and/or pass on to our children, is to be careful and diligent in choosing a spouse/life partner.

Nothing about it is easy although one can certainly “Choose Wisely” if serious thought, evaluation and reality are put into the decision. In addition, emotion can make anyone act irrationally when it comes to love, so one must guard against that. 

Even if you do choose wisely, success in marriage is not guaranteed, although if the choice is unwise, success tends to be slim to none.

My article (link below) from 5 years ago will shed further light on this topic. 

Choose Wisely for Marriage

Life is too short to waste time on people who may make us feel good or weak in the knees but who we know aren't good for us in the long run. 

Always recognize your value and make every effort to pass that on to the offspring. If you don’t choose wisely, chances are that your children will follow the same pattern.

Like me and many of you, who they marry or commit to will be the most important decision they make.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

Just celebrated 10 years of marriage with my lovely wife. Fortunately, I did choose wisely.