Spread Love - (Mom's enduring lesson)


On a Friday afternoon in Tokyo last month, I was waiting in an office and heard these lyrics:

Seems like everything we hear is just a tale
But I've got something that will never, ever fail
(It's called love)

[Chorus:]
Spread love, instead of spreading lies
Spread love, the truth needs no disguise
I've often said love could open any door
Oh, but I wish we had much more
More love is what we need
(Take 6 – Spread Love)

Just as it was when I first heard this eloquent song almost 30 years, I was overcome with joy and a chill ran through my body. What made this moment different is that I immediately thought of my mother, Isabella G. Payne (IGP as I affectionately called her). She died one year ago, on May 1st, 2015.

During the past 12 months, I’ve been thinking about the way she raised me, what lessons were taught and the values she instilled in me. When both parents are deceased (my dad died in 2005), the mind wanders in ways I could have never imagined.

I knew what was important to her in terms of character, integrity and helping others, but I wondered if there wasn’t a theme I was missing; one which would encapsulate the lessons my mom wanted to impart. We spoke (verbally and with our eyes) during her last 24 hours, although there wasn’t any particular wisdom given. That wasn’t her style. I knew that my being there put her at peace. My article about that day is below.


The title (Spread Love) of the aforementioned song gave me the answer I had been searching for. Those two words exemplify what Mom strove to do in her life, how she raised her only son, along with the joy she gave to and received from the hearts of others.
  
A few of many moments:
  • Our house was never without love and my mom was the catalyst. My parents separated more times than I care to remember, yet happiness towards me was consistent from both, despite their difficult marital issues.
  • When I threatened to run away at age 10, I didn't intend to follow through on it and never thought Mom would let me walk out of the door. We had been bickering for weeks and I was fed up. Without hesitation, she said “Go Ahead”. She had called my bluff, so of course I had to gather some things and leave the house. It wasn’t long (1 hour) before she came to pick me up at the home of a family friend. I could have gone anywhere, but she knew exactly where I would be. After that day (and lesson), there were no other moments nearly as tense.
  • When I became the class clown in grade school, she sternly threatened to kick me off the basketball team if it ever happened again.  She was as mad as I ever remember her being. Her eyes froze me, as she had to take time off from work to come meet my teacher. Needless to say, the clowning stopped forever that day.
  • Being a high school sports star, everyone was nice to me and I had almost no peer pressure. My mother never gloated (at least to my knowledge) about my basketball skills or treated me any differently than she did before the basketball fame. We rarely talked about the game, my performance or college scholarship ambition. She was more concerned about raising a good man. I didn’t quite understand her actions then, but am grateful for them now. How was she was wise enough to know that my basketball success would take care of itself?
  • Moving away from my Pennsylvania hometown (Boston, New York City and Sweden) was very difficult for my mom, especially when I was a 9 hour plane ride away in Scandinavia. She never complained though, even when we only saw each other once a year. She supported me fully and her love remained strong. IGP never got in the way of me “believing I could fly”.
  • All the love she put forth in her numerous volunteer efforts (i.e. Dinners for  the Homeless, Central PA Food Bank, Hospital Rides for the Elderly) had a profound impact on me. I doubt that I would be as interested or capable in helping others without her constant inspiration.
  • The 250+ people who attended my mom’s memorial on May 11, 2015, spoke volumes about the love she spread throughout her life. Numerous people told me stories about what she did for them or meant to them. Some of these precious moments came from people I had never met before. The wonderful eulogy, our family, her friends, the private conversations and the immense about of love that day has helped to sustain me during the past year.
  • The Central PA Food Bank had over 20 people who came to the memorial. My mother volunteered there for 17 years. My cousin, the kids and I had a chance to tour the Food Bank last December, which we thoroughly enjoyed. We could feel the love of IGP in the place.
  • The love she had for my family, her godsons, my cousins, her siblings and dear friends was powerful. Those relationships gave my mom tremendous joy and the bonds they shared were wonderful to witness and hear about. She didn’t always give you the advice you wanted to hear, but it was love inspired, and often what one needed to hear.
  • My mother’s career didn’t define her, but she was proud of her 35 years in State Government, despite not having a college education. She had prominent managerial roles, and I know the daily grind wasn’t easy for her as it was sometimes written all over her face. Witnessing her discipline, persistence and joy regarding her work performance was a beautiful form of love and pride during my early years; one that I learned from and keep top of mind.
  • My mother and her two sisters (Eleanor and Mary Ann) had far too many years of not communicating well and/or not speaking at all. All three of them played a part in the strained relationships. Fortunately, they mended whatever was ailing them and became close again. My mother was thrilled. She loved her sisters dearly, and was overjoyed when the tension was removed and the love was back in its proper place.
  •  Mom spent a lot of quality time with my dear cousin Andrea in the last decade, which I am thankful for. Their bond was lovely to witness and comforting for me since I was far away. They enjoyed each other and Andrea looked after my mom like a daughter would.  When I talk to or see my cousin, the love of IGP comes shining through. Andrea’s love enabled me to deal with the memorial and estate issues quite easily. Along with my wife Matilda, Andrea has been and continues to be my rock.
  • As I was flying in the air to see my mother for the last time, she had the presence of mind to tell Andrea to make a ‘fresh bed’ for me at her home. There was no way I was leaving her hospital room that first night, but even in her toughest health moment, her love was standing tall.
It was bittersweet when the reality hit me that both of my parents were gone. Comforting in that I no longer had to think about their health and getting older, yet more challenging than I thought in that my emotions got the best of me at times. For me, it was anger that crept into my being, which is not something I often feel. I found myself angry at the smallest things in our new Tokyo home. I don’t think many people noticed, yet I was determined not to let it take hold of me in a stronger way.

In those moments, I thought about my mom and the love she kept near to her, particularly with a life much more challenging than mine has ever been. In addition, I had seen her face numerous obstacles with remarkable grace, along with handling difficult situations in a calm and collected manner. Those memories soothed my emotions.

After the anger subsided, the same cancer my mother had appeared again in my life - twice. One was a Swedish dad I had met for the first time and the other was a longtime friend from the USA, both living in Tokyo with two young kids each. The 47 year old wife of this brave dad had just died of lung cancer when our first conversation took place. Soon after, I learned that the husband (50) of my American friend was diagnosed with lung cancer.

I don’t think it was a coincidence that these two circumstances came my way. I’m grateful they both opened up to me and that I was able to provide some form of comfort to them. Since I had gone through the 5+ year lung cancer battle with my mom, there were many things I could relate to, empathize with and advice I could provide.

Finally, I received a note that made me smile. It was from a woman my mom had helped in 2010 with some of her health issues; something nobody knew about. She wrote a letter to my mom in August of 2015, to say hello and check up on her.

Part of it said:

Dear Isabella,

“I think of you often, especially when I go out to Hershey Medical and how you were my Angel who helped me when I really needed it.”

When my cousin Andrea informed her that my mom had died, she continued in her praise and ‘Angel’ wording, even noting the specific date (Oct 22, 2010) of the help and the love my mom had shown her. I may never know the details of their relationship, but the love described tells me all I need to know.

My mother’s giving heart and loving spirit is a beautiful memory to have. With that in my soul, I can now delight in the wonderful examples of her life, honor her by the way in which I live, and spread love in the best way I know how.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

Me, Mom and Andrea - (Artist is Roland Williams)

Steph Curry – Steve Nash with a Title?


As I’ve mentioned to friends and tweeted several times, the Golden State Warriors faced very little adversity during the 2015/16 NBA season. Yes, their Coach, Steve Kerr, was out for an extended period because of his back, but that only seemed to make them stronger. With their swagger and dominance (and pursuit of 73 wins), I couldn’t help but wonder when adversity would hit them. I felt it was only a matter of time and thought it would probably be Curry.

Was anyone surprised when he hurt his ankle in Game 1 vs the Houston Rockets? With his history of ankle sprains and the 2011 surgery for torn ligaments, one would expect those issues to come back at some point. Did they really need to play him at all in this series against an awful Rockets team? The Warriors may regret that decision.

Were you surprised after Curry hurt his knee in Game 4? Maybe it was a fluke (slipping on the court) but for it to happen so quickly after his ankle injury makes me wonder about his durability. 

My friend Manfred tweeted this:

“82 regular season games of getting chased and pounded takes a toll on a small frame.”

Keep in mind that Curry didn’t even play in many 4th quarters this season, so he should have a lot less ‘wear and tear’ on his body than other superstars - most of them having played higher minutes per game.

I enjoy Curry’s game immensely and love the way he competes and plays. He has made basketball more fun and inspired the art of shooting. As a sharp shooter in my high school and Division 1 collegiate days, watching Curry’s ball handling and insane shooting skills brings me great joy. In addition, I suspect he’s brought many new fans to the NBA and basketball in general.

But….whether it is past or present players, durability is essential to success in the NBA. 

Allen Iverson had a small frame as well, but was as durable as they come. Magic, Wade, Bird, Jordan, Thomas, Nowitzki, Duncan, Kobe, Stockton, Hakeem, Kareem, Big O, West, Frazier, Malone, Lebron, Ewing, Kidd, Pippin, Shaq, Dr. J, Moses, Barkley, Wilt, Russell, Cousy and Dumars, just to name a few, were all durable. They were out there for the majority of their ‘moment of truth’ playoff moments. As I write, Steph isn’t on the court in arguably the biggest playoff moment of his career.

As banged up as Dwayne Wade (3 Rings) has been in his career, he was on the hardwood when it came time to compete for the Championship. Isiah ‘Zeke’ Thomas (2 Rings) played on a bad ankle against my Lakers in the 1988 NBA Finals and scored 25 points in one quarter. After he returned from his baseball vacation, Jordan won 3 Titles and didn’t miss any games from 1995 to 1998. 

Most of the great players have been on the floor when it mattered most. Some of them have been hurt or not been a factor during a playoff run, but usually they were healthy enough to compete. Part of being great is being durable. Even Bill Walton (Mr. Bad ankles) won two titles. Imagine if he had been healthy.

Do I think Curry will return this season? No, I don’t. 

I’m hopeful though, especially for all the fans of the game who want to see the Warriors make a historic run after going 73-9 (a record) in the regular season. He’s already out for two weeks, which mentally will be tough on both the team and Curry.  If Curry should return, his mind and body will be thinking about the aforementioned injuries and that can’t be positive for his psyche.

This could very well be the beginning of the end for Steph, as injuries may rear their ugly head and not give him the chance to compete at his highest level. With Curry’s contract (only $11 million per year and low for a superstar) up at the end of next season, the Warriors will be between a rock and a hard place. Do they really want to give him maximum money ($20 million+ per year) with the chance that he could become another Grant Hill?

I feel bad for him, as he’s a class individual and the team had a chance to do something special, by winning back to back NBA Championships. With him healthy, I felt they would have closed the deal. In addition, Curry’s status as a 2x Champion would have put him in that ‘Isiah Thomas’ category. Without that second ring, one can’t place him in that rarified air.

Can the Warriors win a NBA Title without Curry? Slim to no chance in my opinion. The Spurs and Cavaliers are too strong and currently healthy. Even if Curry does return, a sprained knee isn’t the type of injury one wants to come back from after being out 2-3 weeks.

With Curry expected to win his 2nd consecutive MVP Trophy this season, I immediately thought of Steve Nash; who won two MVP’s as well, but never got that Championship. If Curry stays healthy for the next 6-7 years, he has a chance to become the best guard of all time. Steph will go down as one of the best shooters in NBA history no matter what his future holds, but getting more rings, having longevity like Nash and being durable is a big question mark.

I will leave you with this timely message from Ben Golliver on Twitter:

“Stephen Curry news reminds me of crazy Lebron James factoid: He’s never missed a playoff game for any reason. 42.5 MPG/182 games in playoffs.”

Happy Gswede Tuesday!


Nash and Curry in Action

Overjoyed

As I was leaving the International School my kids attend one day last month, I started randomly singing the words to Stevie Wonder's 'Overjoyed' - a long-time favorite song. I love when lyrics pop into my head and the words flow effortlessly.

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams 
Come true when I looked at you
(Overjoyed- Stevie Wonder)

I'm joyful daily for the life I have been blessed with, along with being grateful for my loving wife, healthy kids and a strong group of caring friends and family.

The love and happiness at the school that morning for 'World Cultural Day' was inspiring. It was easy to be overjoyed. Watching the student body (50 nationalities) and many proud parents enjoying the moment and each other was heart-warming.

Those types of moments exemplify what many of us need to do more of  - namely to embrace diversity. One of the most important things we can do in our daily journey is to continue to or start to 'Embrace The Diversity in Our World', along with opening up our children to the beauty and differences of the youth around them. Children often need a push to get out of their comfort zone of sameness.

Next time you are in a room (after work, on vacation, at a party, with friends or attending an event, etc), take a look around and examine the diversity. You may be surprised by what you don't see. It's a simple and quick way to get one sense of the diversity in your life. If you tend to see people who look like you or think like you or act like you, chances are that your world (and most likely your children too) needs a higher dose of diversity.

I realize that diversity is not appealing to everyone. I know a few people and families where that is the case. It's disheartening, especially for the young children who are taught not to embrace diversity, even though diversity will be almost impossible for them to avoid and essential to navigate in order to have a well-rounded life.

In my eyes, one of the most beautiful sights is a room full of diversity. I saw it in full bloom that morning and see it often. I hope you do too.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

World Cultural Day


Contemplations in Tokyo


Each Martin Luther King Jr. holiday (this past January 18 in the USA), my thoughts tend to stir and I reflect on one or several aspects of his wisdom. It fuels and inspires me at the beginning of each New Year. I also listen to a few of his speeches, one of which I wrote about several years ago.


In 2016, after almost 5 months of living in Tokyo, his "content of character' has been on my mind.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.
(Martin Luther King Jr.)

I’ve been refreshed by the positive way I've been treated in Tokyo. Thus far, people see me for who I am and judge me on my character, which has not always been the case in other countries. I know I’m still in that honeymoon stage with Japan, yet the feeling I get is comforting.

Whether it’s been expats from all over the world, American's who have lived in Japan a long time or local Japanese friends, my heart has been warmed by their kindness, energy, help and enthusiasm in this colossal city. My two months living in Belgrade, Serbia in 2005 were very similar to the Tokyo atmosphere now, although in Serbia I spent the majority of my time with locals.


I realize that the International and expat crowd (especially in Tokyo) tend to be more open-minded and worldly, but I didn't expect such a powerful dose of genuine interest in getting to know one another. It's been a thrill networking with and learning about so many diverse and interesting people.

Despite what's been a wonderful expat journey of living in my 3rd country, there have been too many times (primarily in the USA and Sweden) when I've been looked at for 'what I am not', treated as a stereotype or the most disheartening.......as if I were invisible. It wasn’t always about my color; sometimes I was treated unfairly or unkindly simply because I was different from the norm.

In those instances, the 'content of my character' didn't mean a thing. I've written sparingly about it (two stories are below), but the sting of those moments is not easily forgotten, especially by several people who grew up in a loving household and I expected so much more from.


On the flip side, my race and culture (linked with sports prominence) has also provided significant personal and professional benefits throughout my life, which has undoubtedly helped to lessen the pain of those troubling experiences.

When I hear from friends or members of my inner circle about their racial issues or not being given the chance to fit in, it reinforces how much easier I had it with racism and being accepted.

My background (high school sports star, collegiate basketball player and working in sports) was a blessing in many ways as the problems I experienced in sports were rare compared to the world outside of sports. I’ve always loved that about team sports (along with sports in general), in that it matters most what one does on the field or court. If one can play ball, skin color or uniqueness usually takes a back seat.

I'm grateful for Tokyo and the generosity of spirit and friendship I've encountered. It's a magnificent thing to be experiencing, particularly with all the chaos going on in our global world – including the disturbing climate (see articles below) among a small yet significant portion of Sweden.



I've not given up on some of the arrogant, selfish or uncompassionate souls who have never seen me and many others for the content of our characters. These people (who need our compassion more than most) have thankfully been a small part of my USA and Swedish experience, as most I’ve crossed paths were genuine and good people.

I may still be in the company of some of the aforementioned lost souls in the future, yet they will always be treated with kindness and positivity. Maybe one day they will begin to see the light. My actions may never be reciprocated by them, but one thing is certain - I will never let them darken my day or turn me into something I'm not.

And as we (USA) choose our next President in the not to distant future, it’s vitally  important to keep in mind another one of Dr. King’s quotes:

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
(Martin Luther King Jr.)

Here’s hoping more of us continue or begin to show sincere interest in those we come in contact with in the New Year, especially those who aren’t like us or have a different culture. It’s one way we can all help our communities, nations and world become a happier and more unified place.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

The Countries of the Student Body at the International School my Children Attend
(50 Nationalities / 330 Students)

Bright Lights, Big City (The Sequel)


It's only been a few weeks, but I’m in Tokyo’s rapture. The energy, order, beauty, cleanliness and sizzle of this city of 14 million is enthralling.

One of my first thoughts was about my decade living in New York City (NYC); an experience invaluable living here. I left the Big Apple 11 years ago, so the endurance a NYC requires wasn’t top of mind. The stamina needed was a bit of a surprise during the beginning moments in Tokyo, although I quickly felt comfortable with the rapid pace of the world’s largest city.  The walking and enormous subway system alone is hectic, but if you’ve never had this type of lifestyle, the acclamation could be difficult.

We hit the ground running after arriving on a Saturday morning. Time waits for no one. During the weekend, we explored our area of Shibuya and bought some basic needs for the apartment. We went to a local park, had dinner out, went swimming, visited a playground and soaked in the newness and uniqueness of Tokyo.

Colossal is another word for this place, as some streets are packed beyond belief and as far as the eye can see. Watching 500-800 people on a street corner has not been an uncommon sight. The walking was tough on the kids initially, as not only did we walk more than they are used to, but the temperatures were humid and hot (23c/74f to 26c/82f). 

Takeshita Street in Tokyo
Some of the subways are so far underground that you can walk inside them for 10 minutes - before you get on your train. And the Tokyo trains are everything NYC is not; on time, super clean, air conditioned and orderly. They can be ‘face to face’ packed at times, but if you miss a train, the next one is sure to be 5 minutes later.

The cleanliness of the entire city is almost unreal. I don’t know how they keep everything so spotless.  During our June visit, I saw a worker tidying up a perfectly clean and empty subway car. That picture painted a thousand words about Japan.

After three visits to a store, my lovely wife cooked a delicious chicken curry stew for our first Sunday night dinner. In addition, one of the few appliances we have is a rice cooker, which we managed successfully, although never expecting it to take 50 minutes. It was perfect though.
The food here is outstanding, as I expected from Japan’s stellar reputation. The Japanese have the globe's best longevity (88 for women and 83 for men), and the way they eat is a big reason why. One can buy very good sushi in a local supermarket and eating simple food out is much cheaper than cooking food at home.
Yoyogi Park on a Sunday
Across the street from our building is a large sports complex with a gym, swimming pool, track and soccer field – which is a great luxury. The 2 pools were a boatload of fun with the kids on Sunday, although they have a lot of rules, including everyone wearing a cap in the pool - even bald guys.
After the first 3-5 days, reality started to set in when my wife was getting ready to begin her new job and the kids were starting at their International School.  Needless to say, our children were extremely tired after day one, but their optimism about this new atmosphere made us feel good about our school choice. There are 330 students and 50 nationalities; and they get 50 minutes of Japanese everyday.

I’ve kept my running up during the first two weeks, which helped me to get over my jet lag. I visited a friend in Seiju (35 minutes by train) for a 5k, which will be even more picturesque in the spring, as the cherry blossoms span the whole length of the small river running path we took. Exploring is a vital part of getting to know a new city, so I plan to do as much as I can.

Meiji Jingu (Shinto Shrine)
We’ve also met quite a few Swedes here, which give us that touch of familiarity. In addition, the expat community is strong and I’ve had numerous conversations with people from all parts of the world.  The majority have been lively and interesting, which has been refreshing. My son had his 2nd Sunday of soccer practice already, which he is happy about as he loves the game and the club has an international flavor.

A few invitations for dinner and brunch came our way promptly. Gaining insight and tips about Tokyo from folks who have been living here much longer than we have is important. I also had a friend visiting for business, who invited me to a wonderful rooftop bar. It had magnificent views of the city! Although I was supremely tired that Friday night, I made sure to push myself out the door at 10:30pm, as I hadn’t seen this former colleague in 13 years.

Andaz Tokyo Hotel
Finally, a rare ‘wow’ moment hit me as I was visiting Costco with a long time USA friend. She has been living here for 18 years. As we were walking the enormous aisles, I couldn’t help but wonder….”what are the chances of two east coast USA expats being on the outskirts of Tokyo shopping together?”  A wave of gratitude ran through me.

This is the third country (Sweden and Serbia being first) I’ve lived in outside of my birthplace in the USA. I never imagined having the opportunity to live in such thrilling and/or interesting places around the world. I’m thankful.

It's crystal clear that Tokyo is a city like no other and I can’t wait for it all to unfold in the next 3 years.

I don’t foresee any journey equalling the Manhattan magic, but Tokyo is on track to be a worthy sequel.

Happy Gswede Sunday!


Tokyo at Night

Thank You ‘Pearson Education’ Family


My first year at Pearson (2007) was a combination of 'information overload' as a new employee and 'blissful fatherhood' as my wife and I welcomed our first child. I began work two weeks after our son was born.

During 2007 and 2008, I was away from work for 4 months, as I had the privilege of being on parental leave with my young son. It wasn’t easy balancing a new job and baby, although I made some good progress and had an exciting beginning with both.

In those early years, my Nordic colleagues were there for me with a helping hand, which I appreciated. Any success I had was due in large part to the guidance and support I received from our team.
2009 was a magical year in many ways. It began with seeing one of my Dutch colleagues receive an award on stage in Lisbon, Portugal. His joyful smile after winning inspired me that night and I vowed to be on that stage the following year.  
I wrote about it in an article called "Inspiration from NOT Being Called on Stage".
Fortunately, I had my best year at Pearson, winning the '2009 Rep of the Year' in Europe, Middle East and Africa (EMA). What made it even more special was that I stopped working at the end of August in 2009, as I began my second parental leave (5 months) with our daughter. I made it to that stage in 2010, this time in Monte Carlo. The aforementioned colleague was one of the first to congratulate me on winning EMA’s top sales award.
More Pearson excitement came from meeting and getting to know my European colleagues during those years, especially the ones in the UK (as we had numerous meetings in England) and those in Holland, as we went to Amsterdam for three consecutive years for a summer conference.
In addition, our annual January conference (4-5 days) often took place in a nice European city, where I had a chance to network and learn from employees from a wide range of EMA countries. Those times were invaluable.
At the conference, we worked hard during the day, yet always had good times at night, whether it was with our Nordic team or a combination of colleagues from EMA. The Gala Dinner (Awards and Dancing) was something everyone looked forward to and it only disappointed in the rare times when our hotel ballroom had to turn the music off before 2am.
Being on ‘The Sales Leadership Council’ was an early goal for me also, as our team often had strong representation on this group of ‘top sales performers’, including four Nordic colleagues in 2007 before I started. For those chosen, it was an all expenses paid trip to a lovely city in Europe. It was a combination of work and relaxation, with each person allowed to bring a guest.

I qualified for the council the first year I was eligible in 2011 - the location being Sardinia, Italy, which was a fabulous 3 day weekend!  It was a joy to spend time with Pearson’s top performers and listen to their sales strategies for winning business. In addition, a group of high level managers were in attendance each year. The intimate setting of 50 colleagues provided a great way to get to know these managers.

Our EMA team had some wonderful print and digital success over the years, and the Nordics were an integral part of that success. I’m grateful to have played a part in increasing Sweden’s sales during that time, as well as the quality relationships I built with my colleagues in EMA and the Swedish universities I worked with.

Of course there were some frustrations, setbacks and disappointments, but overall my Pearson Education experience was fantastic. The ‘thrill of the sale’ was my daily inspiration and I was often motivated to be even better after seeing the strong efforts put forth by my Nordic colleagues, along with those I was close to in the UK, Holland and throughout EMA.

I’m full of gratitude for my almost 9 years at Pearson. Our Nordic team had a boatload of success, but I realize that it wouldn’t have been as good (or fun) without the support and care of numerous EMA colleagues that I was fortunate to work with since 2007.

Thank you Pearson Family. I wish you nothing but success as our family embarks on our next journey in Tokyo, Japan.

Keep Closing!


The Nordic Team in Stockholm - June 2015