If I Don't, I Will be Dead in 15 Years

A dear friend recently sent those troubling words to me in a text message. He was the skinny guy in high school; the one you thought would maintain that frame for the rest of his life.

This message about his own health took me back to the late 1990’s when I had more weight issues than he did. It was horrible. I was careless with my food/sugar intake, and didn’t exercise on a regular basis. It was hard, but I eventually got back on track with professional help.

His authenticity also made me recall the day we looked at a photo together with another mutual friend; one I had just taken of him, me and that friend (a man in insane shape).  Approaching 50 at that time, he said “I don’t look like you guys.” He was spot on and clearly a wake-up call to improve his health.

Now in his mid-50’s, he said that if he didn’t do something soon, he would be dead in 15 years.

We’ve always been close and I knew that he was uncomfortable about his health. I sent him a new weight scale to monitor his progress and encouraged him to eat healthier.

At 6’3 (191 cm) and 218 lbs (99k), we set a goal of getting down to 205 lbs (93k) in one year. We communicated often and I encouraged him to take his mind and body to a higher level. He struggled for months, shedding some weight and then putting it on again. During that year, the highest amount of weight loss was 6 lbs (3k).

I would occasionally send him a message saying only ‘205’ to nudge him to get back on the program. He knew that my concern was coming from a place of compassion and caring. I’ve always admired him as one of the most socially connected people I know, someone who is comfortable in any setting - whether it be Harlem, Middle America, Hollywood or a European city. He was raised well by his loving parents, has great kids, a very kind and supportive wife, and a good extended family.

My concern was that he could ruin it all with poor health, an issue I saw first-hand with my father.

My dad rarely exercised, ate poorly and was under a great deal of stress. At age 53, he suffered a major heart attack. Fortunately, he survived and went on to live 20 more fairly stable years. I didn’t want one of my best friends to suffer the same fate.

I continued to encourage him to do something - anything - to change his way of life and lose weight. Isn’t that what friends are for? It seemed as though he listened each and every time but the needle didn’t move much until last week.

This spring, I‘ve made a few improvements to my own health with the news of the pandemic in mind and sent him a short message to share.

--

At 86.4k (190 lbs.) two weeks ago, down from my usual 89k (196 lbs.) for 7+ years. I started eating more sensibly at  the start of Covid19.

Just added this new thing two weeks ago also. No eating after dinner. I usually have something for dessert but now the kitchen is CLOSED.

Been wanting to do it (nothing after dinner) for years but never tried. That alone should get me to to 84k Or 185 lbs. - my high school weight....which is my goal.

Feel much better already and my body has changed as well. 

You?

--

His immediate response surprised and convinced me that this could be another wake-up call:

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I really am going to try. I want to and have had issues. My red blood cell count has been high for 4 years. Recently - 4 times had blood tests and some abdominal tests. Good news, I am clean. A few more tests to go but I may have a sleep disorder so I am doing a sleep study. 

I do not like my habits. I sleep only 5 hrs a night and eat poorly. 

I am hovering at 217 (99 k) now and I feel like 250 (113k)… really need to motivate myself. 

I am ready to make a move and stop excuses. You got me - you are doing way better.  

I hope to fix the dad body now. If I don't, I will be dead in 15 yrs... I wish you were here to motivate me. 

(Our mutual friend) is my hero. That guy doesn't stop and I have no idea where he gets the time and his energy.

--

Was this his epiphany? I hope so and maybe the whirlwind of news around Covid19 helped in this regard. Being overweight is one of many underlying factors that can make you more susceptible to the virus and make it more difficult to fight it.

We’re about the same height but he is 26 lbs. (12k) heavier. Being his weight 20 years ago for a few months was a bad memory; enjoying too much of the ‘good life’ in Manhattan, and the pounds snuck up on me. I had one pair of pants that fit my waist.

I’ll never forget the look in my doctor’s eyes back then. “You look bad George, and you have to do something about it.” Her words left no doubt that she genuinely cared about me. She suggested a sensible yet drastic plan and I lost the weight in 45 days.

I made a positive lifestyle change that day and never looked back. My journey on the ‘Health is Wealth’ path to maintain and/or enhance it is one of my top priorities.

The part of my friend’s text that was chilling for me to read was “If I don’t, I will be dead in 15 years.”

I worry that if he continues on the same path of bad sleep, poor eating and lack of movement, other health issues could creep into the picture. If he’s lucky, he could live past 70 like my father.  It won’t be easy and might be the toughest challenge of his life thus far, but I’m happy to know that he has at least seen the light.

The proverbial ball is in his court.

Will he continue to dribble and dribble and dribble with the same lifestyle?

Or will he be courageous and take that first jump shot which is needed to start the process of healthier living?

Maybe he will be bold and step it up with a few 3 point shots in order to get to that 205 weight or lower.

A few days ago, I sent him this message:

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I’m inspired by your heartfelt message and self-awareness. You are truly blessed my friend and it would be awful to have all of that taken away by the way you are leading your life. You already took the first step of acknowledgement.

Now go for it in the same way you have led your life, maintained a strong marriage, raised your terrific children and built your vast friendships, including a fantastic one with me. If you do that, you will win the health race.

I’m here to help in any way I can, but as you know, it’s all up to you.

Love,

George

--

It’s his choice. It’s his time. 

An Act of Kindness

I’ve seen and experienced random acts of kindness throughout my years, although one shines brighter than most, as it was both unexpected and enjoyable. Generosity with good intentions would usually be welcomed, yet this one almost didn’t happen.

It was the mid 1980's and my basketball team from the University of Vermont had just suffered another disappointing loss at Yale. After the game, a parent from Yale asked our head coach if he and his son could treat a few of our players to dinner. It was an extremely generous offer, a no-brainer in every sense of the word, yet our coach refused. What happened next not only changed the course of the evening, it would be one of the most transformative events of my life.

That parent was Earl Graves, Sr.

I will never forget how he confronted our coach for insulting him that day; the swift way in which he pulled him aside to discuss the matter in private. He kept his composure and never raised his voice but the stern look on his face spoke volumes. Whatever Earl Graves, Sr. said at that moment prompted our coach to accept his offer immediately.

After leaving Yale’s campus, three of my teammates and I accompanied him to his Rolls Royce which seemed to almost float through New Haven. We were greeted by his son, Earl Jr. (a.k.a. ‘Butch’ – then Yale’s star player) who opened the door of a beautiful home and introduced us to a few close friends. The vibe was magnificent, and soon we were enjoying a fine spread of delicious soul food. Any thoughts of our earlier loss were firmly in the back of our minds and the night was filled with laughter, new connections and quality conversation.

Years later, while working in NYC, I came to know several people who were clients of Earl Sr. One was particularly impressed by his negotiating skills and his tenacity for closing a deal. “George, he just wouldn’t give up,” he told me once during a round of golf. 

Although my encounter with Earl Sr. was brief, I remember the way he fiercely compelled our coach to let me and my teammates join him that evening, something that was otherwise not permitted after a game on the road. Now I realize why the man we only knew as Butch’s father made such an impression: he made things happen.

Earl Graves, Sr. owned a successful publishing company and was one of the top African-American business leaders. He was chairman and CEO of PepsiCo’s operations in Washington, DC. and General Partner at one of their bottling franchise companies in South Africa. And before his phenomenal career in business, a much younger Earl Graves earned a B.A. degree in Economics, served a couple of years in the Army and was an administrative assistant to none other than Senator Robert F. Kennedy.

(Earl G. Graves Sr. - A Voice for Black Entrepreneurs)

His relentless nature that day after his son’s game at Yale stayed with me, although at the time I couldn’t fully realize its impact. I’ve used it as inspiration when facing a challenging customer or dealing with obstacle after obstacle on a tough sale.

Early in my sales career, I was fortunate to work with two salesmen who also displayed the same kind of relentlessness. Watching them in sales calls was enlightening, as they were zealous in going after and closing deals. I saw a lot of Earl Sr. in those two men.

(2 Salesmen - Simply the Best)

It was a perfect trifecta of learning – powerfully at Yale and more nuanced with two of the best salespeople I’ve worked with. That attitude of what I like to call ‘persuasive persistence’ proved invaluable in my sales career.

I met Earl Sr. again in 1996 at one of our company events. One of the highlights of working for the world’s most famous arena, Madison Square Garden, was connecting with so many inspiring people like Earl Graves. I reminded him about the game and his generosity a decade earlier, thinking he might recall our first encounter. He said, "George, I can't even remember what I did yesterday", and we both laughed. I thanked him once again and conveyed how much I appreciated him taking the time to care.

Earl Graves Sr. died last week. He was 85.

With prominent individuals, one doesn't usually hear about the way in which they positively impact others. That dinner for us may have been normal for him or a ‘small thing’ in his life but it was a profound moment in the eye of a young athlete and a cherished memory.

My hope is that more of us (including those blessed with influence and fortune), take the time to give in much the same way he touched our lives.

Earl Graves Sr.