(http://gswede-sunday.blogspot.com/2010/04/whos-parent-in-car-you-or-your-child.html)
The aforementioned teacher also sent me a video (at the end of the article) to illustrate how children emulate the actions of their parents. Being a new parent (3 years), I've been aware of this although seeing it on video makes one think about their own behavior. Not only did the video make me reexamine some ways in which I could improve as a parent but it also inspired this article. I encourage you to view it as it's only a few minutes.
It's not uncommon for me to engage in a variety of discussions with parents, primarily due to the calm and positive nature they see when I am with one or both of my children. Often, they marvel at my ability to remain so calm (my normal state) despite the temperament of my children. I usually tell them that to get "stressed out" or "very angry" doesn't set a good example and would limit my effectiveness as the parent.
The ensuing conversation sometimes ventures into how I was raised. My mother is a positive and loving woman who was consistent in displaying a calm and firm nature in any interaction with me. Did she get mad at times? Of course but she never lost her cool and utilized any disagreement with me as a teaching moment. In addition, she gave me three of the most important values one can give a child - love, discipline and boundaries. My childhood was nothing less than blissful! I was fortunate for her wonderful parenting skills and have tried to carry those same values forward in my role as a parent.
It's unfortunate that some parents didn't have a good childhood or haven't learned to utilize or control their actions/temperament as a parent. The words I have witnessed some parents saying (often derogatory) were difficult to listen to and some of the actions I have seen displayed (stressed or wildly angry) were tough to watch. What is so interesting is that some of these parents have a calmness about them when alone but "lose a screw" when it comes to their children behaving poorly. Similarly, as parents we must be aware of how we treat our spouses or loved ones in front of the children. Remember, our children are watching or hearing many if not most of the interactions with our spouses so it behooves us to act responsibly or our children could grow up displaying those same misguided actions to his/her loved ones.
I understand that some people grew up with parents who weren't good role models in any sense of the word thus making it harder to not be the same way as a parent. Several of my friends have admitted that their parents were poor examples for them. For those in this category, it's imperative to focus on learning from parents and friends who you admire and might be able to provide valuable lessons to you before and/or after becoming a parent. I obtained a wealth of knowledge about parenting from individuals I respect before I had a child and they were very gracious in sharing their insight. I absorbed their information like a sponge (and still do) as parental learning is a lifetime goal for me.
Don't be afraid to use the counsel of people who can help. Even though I consider myself a good parent, I know that I have much to learn. I'm always questioning parents and/or teachers about ways to improve or issues I might not be aware of. In addition, a spouse should be able to give constructive criticism when needed in regards to actions or words. My wife recently warned me about a negative sentence that I was saying to my son - a sentence I didn't even realize was coming out of my mouth. I am grateful for her caring criticism.
For those of us blessed with an ideal childhood, it should be easier to parent as long as we keep the behavior we witnessed and the values we were taught fresh in our mind. With the complex nature of raising children, we can sometimes lose or forget the knowledge of our positive upbringing.
In either situation (less positive or more positive upbringing), our actions speak volumes as we influence and teach our children. If your experience wasn't positive and you find yourself doing the same things that your parents did, I implore you to seek help in order NOT to repeat your parents mistakes. My mother's childhood was less than ideal BUT she was smart enough and cared enough to ensure that I had the best possible experience as a child. If your upbringing was positive, it's imperative to keep those lessons "close to the vest" so your children can gain similar childhood benefits.
Most of the teachers at my son's daycare have been a precious resource for me along with numerous friends/mentors who I feel are great parents. I thirst for knowledge and ways to become a stronger role model as I know that my children are watching even when I think they might not be. I'm hopeful that most parents desire the same knowledge because there are not many things more important in our role as a parent than the actions we display.
I'll end with two cliches I've always liked.
A simple yet profound one - "Monkey see, Monkey do"
A more concrete one that should put everything into perspective - "Actions speak louder than Words".
Happy Gswede Sunday!
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| The Beauty of Sunlight |
4 comments:
Regarding parenting:
My mother was always very patient and calm with all 6 of her children. She didn't raise her voice with us. I was raised with the saying- "Patience is a virtue." I find myself saying that to Caleb as well as to my school kids.
My mother often told me that her father was always calm, patient and never raised his voice with his children. He took them aside and explained to them what they had done wrong. I can honestly say that I behave in that same manner with my school children but am guilty of raising my voice at Caleb. This is something that I strive to change and am consciously making an effort to do so. I must say that Caleb is the most compassionate kid I know- (which I will take credit for). Neither Caleb nor any of my canine children have ever been lacking for love. Through my words and actions, they have known and will always know I love them.
I know that you are a wonderful father. Your children are so fortunate to have you. I know your mom has to be so proud of you.
Good article. I will work harder on staying calm.
Thanks for sending this, children are so sensitive and I believe that they even hear the unspoken words that we as parent keep inside us. Weather we are happy or sad they know and like sponges keep it inside them. Children are also a perfect example of helping us adults to appreciate the little things in life, laugh about a bumble bee who has just woken up from a long winter, Sebastian and I went out rowing with my mother yesterday and he cracked up when he say the bowies floating around in the water. Things you forget as an adult but if vigilant you will be reminded of by your child.
My mother always threw fire crackers in the sink when she got mad at us three totally crazy kids. Though she was angry you could always hint a smile on her face after doing so and whatever we were fighting about always ended right there with a laugh. She would also threw her self on the floor in the grocery store next to us when we had tantrums over some silly toy or candy. I can just say that it was a very effective way to make us stop....I am still trying to gain courage to do the same with Sebastian.
I must go now, I think this little guy in my belly wants to come out today...
Hope to see you all soon, miss you guys ALOT!!!
A real eye opener!!
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