Don't Let Your SENSITIVITY Get In The Way

Over the past few months and throughout my career, I have come across situations in which normally tough minded individuals let their sensitivity get in the way of a productive discussion, doing their jobs or handling criticism. The encounters were never that demanding and had more to do with the fortitude of the individuals. Sometimes it was personal issues (i.e. depression, bad relationships or health issues) that caused the sensitivity while other times it was not wanting to deal with confrontation. On other occasions, it was being able to give criticism yet not being able to take criticism.

The game of life is not for the weak-hearted and when we are in it, we should be in the moment and engage fully in order to deal with the challenges of daily life - not shy away or become oversensitive.

Here's a moment I will never forget:

At a company retreat in the USA, employees were having a dialogue about issues inside and outside of the company. One person was known for her consistent criticism despite the issue being discussed. She was an effective employee although this characteristic didn't help to endear her to many on the team. During one session, she was in her typical mode when she got into a heated dialogue with one of our colleagues. Usually, we would let her vent her criticism and just shrug it off as we were used to it - some were even scared of her. Not this person.

This colleague gave her a strong dose of why she was wrong on a particular issue and fiercely criticized her for intervening with unwarranted criticism along with her constant complaints on other issues throughout the year. Everyone in the room was surprised at how tough the colleague was on her yet most thought it was good that she was the one on the receiving end. What happened next was a shock!

The women (middle-aged) started to cry and quickly ran out of the room. It was obvious to everyone that although she could dish out criticism, she couldn't take it when it was directed at her. I couldn't believe her reaction as all employees (including the CEO) were in the room. Later that day, my boss said to me, "If she expects to thrive in our business, she cannot be that sensitive". He was right. The colleague's criticism towards her was poignant, witty, sharp and truthful yet in no way should have caused her to act like a child. Her career in that organization was never the same after that memorable incident.

The aforementioned type of moment has been rare in my experience. The moments below are more typical:

Recently, two acquaintances became stressed from strong conversations directed at them. Both were in roles that had them talking to numerous people in order to get opinions, hear feedback and gain consensus. Some of the thoughts they heard were strong-willed, passionate and forcefully spoken which I admire as people should battle respectfully for issues that are important to them. These individuals should have been able to handle these thoughts and any conversation as it was their job to do so.

Both became too sensitive at times and it showed when they shied away from certain conversations and/or people as one was upset about a strong phone call while the other was tired of discussing a particular issue. In my opinion, they allowed their personal issues to play a major part in their sensitivity.

These were not troublesome or disrespectful talks and both should have handled them in a more professional way. In business or personal life, if one willingly takes on a responsible role (as the aforementioned twosome did), one must be able to deal with tough encounters or determined individuals while keeping the personal issues on the back-burner. Both individuals are usually mentally tough but they do show signs of being oversensitive from time to time which ultimately affects the progress of their tasks.

Fortitude is a quality that is crucial to success. One can get it from a variety of sources including but not limited to how one is raised, living in a big city or foreign country, participating in sports particularly team sports or wisdom from mentors. It is something that is sorely needed to navigate life's tricky slopes so one can thrive in the manner that they desire. Letting someone or something put a crack in that fortitude by being too sensitive about what I normally view as "small stuff" is not a productive way to live a life.

Those small cracks of sensitivity can develop into bigger cracks where one's daily life becomes consumed with little irritations instead of focusing on the more important and bigger life goals. It's especially vital for young people to embrace challenging moments and not become too sensitive as most have no idea how difficult life will be for them as they join the job force and settle into the world as an adult. The care-free and innocent teenage days will be a thing of the past when our youth step into the real world as a twenty-something particularly in this economic crises. They must be prepared for the obstacles that they will inevitably face.

I speak from experience as I used to let a multitude of small things and/or comments bother me in my early twenties yet I always knew deep inside that they were minor issues compared to the lofty challenges I expected to come my way. Since my mid twenties, I have focused solely on my life goals and dealt directly and quickly with the small and challenging moments of daily life. They don't fluster me or create a panic which frees my mind from distraction and helps me focus on moving my agenda forward and not backwards.

And don't forget that those who frequently show signs of oversensitivity often carry that over to relationships and love which can cause frustration, misguided choices or a life without a partner.

Remember the words of the late Luther Vandross from the song "My Sensitivity (Gets in the Way):

At times I don't believe that I can't control my heart

It skips a beat even before the Lovin' starts

I seem to fall in love with just the slightest touch

and even the little things begin to mean so much

And though I should hold out longer

Just to make sure things get stronger

Chorus:

You tell me that you love me

And before I'm sure you really do

You say you love me more and more each day

And that's when my sensitivity gets in the way

(http://www.metrolyrics.com/my-sensitivity-gets-in-the-way-lyrics-luther-vandross.html)

Focus on your fortitude at all times and keep it a a high level so that a productive life, a chance at love and/or happiness won't remain elusive.

Don't let your SENSITIVITY get in the way.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

Gswede's youth basketball program (http://www.gswede.blogspot.com/) from 2006. Our 6th year begins in May of 2010!