"I would STRONGLY RECOMMEND coming home immediately with plans to stay 2-3 weeks until the end. She loves the Lord and has made it clear that she is ready to go."
Those words from my mom’s friend (a church deacon) came to my smartphone in the late afternoon of April 29. It was clear
that she was in dire condition.
My mother had been struggling with a new
cancer treatment, although nobody expected her to deteriorate this quickly. Despite living in Sweden
and being a 9 hour plane ride away from Pennsylvania,
USA,
I felt a sense of calm. I had an immediate faith that she would wait for me. Fortunately, the plane landed early the
next day and my ride arrived on time. The traffic and weather weren’t ideal,
but after a 4 hour drive, we arrived at the hospital at 8:30pm on April 30.
Seeing my mother gave me immense relief and
she lit up! She was alert and looked better than I expected. The stress of all
day travelling slipped away from my body as I had made it safely and she had
waited. Our embrace warmed my heart.
Below is my cousin Andrea’s account of when
I entered the room:
"She knew that her
prayer had been answered - to see her son one last time. She knew that her
faith had made it possible. Her smile stretched from ear to ear and her eyes
were like saucers! Her life was complete."
 |
| Mom and my cousin Andrea |
Along with my cousin, some of Mom’s closest
friends and family were there. It wasn’t long before I showed her a card that
my daughter Nova-Li made in anticipation of Mother’s Day. She commented on how
nicely drawn the picture was. I also noticed the 2014 Xmas card of my family on
the wall - the only picture in the room and one that probably gave my mom
strength. She adored her grandchildren and loved her daughter in law.
After a few hours, everyone was gone except
Andrea and me.
Before I arrived, Mom told Andrea to make
up a bed for me at her home. She was frequently thinking of others. Despite my
mother’s insistence that I get a good night’s sleep at her house, I never
considered leaving her room for an extended period of time. Andrea stayed with
her the previous night and the room was big enough to accommodate both of us
that Thursday night.
Mom had a comfortable night of sleeping.
Having us there made it easier as she mentioned how Andrea being there
Wednesday night had put her mind at ease. The toughest thing for my mom when
she was put into the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), was the constant 24 hour care
of the ICU team, although she realized they needed to monitor her closely. She
wasn’t in pain, but found it hard to adequately rest or sleep due to all the
various treatments.
Friday started well and Mom ate a good
breakfast. Her spirit was positive. At this point, I was severely tired and in
need of a good shower. I cleaned up at Mom’s house (only 5 minutes away) and
got some breakfast. I was back in less than 90 minutes. Andrea did the same
when I returned.
The day was filled with numerous people
stopping by, many who cared deeply for my mother, including three friends of
mine who hadn’t seen her in quite some time. Mom asked that we not have too many
visitors, so we made sure the crowd was never too intense.
Some people sang her hymns while others
read the bible. Being a religious woman,
these moments touched my mom. Many came by to pay their respects or simply be
by her side. There were a good flow of
people throughout and it never became too much to bear for anyone. She enjoyed
the comradery. I asked my friend Sean to pray in the afternoon and he delivered
a beautiful one with her. I could see that she was moved. There were times when
my mother was sleeping and in those cases, someone was usually there to hold
her hand.
In mid afternoon, Mom’s energy was in full
force and she decided to make some improvements to her memorial program. She
couldn’t have been more lucid, as she was able to give key points to me and the
pastor about what she wanted to change, despite having a breathing mask on. After
she was done, she said these words (more than once) with about 10 people in
the room:
“If
people plan to come to a funeral, tell them not to come, I want it to be a
celebration.”
Those words were classic IGP (her initials)
and what I affectionately called her sometimes. She never wanted anyone to be down
about her death, but to think about her and the life that she lived. I had
heard her say those words on many occasions.
In the next hour, we had a wonderful
moment, courtesy of family friend Delmar and his brilliant idea. He suggested having
a Mother’s Day celebration for my mom a week early.
Andrea and her sister GiGi got cards, a
ballon, a cross and an angel pin. All who were in the room wrote messages and
signed the cards. When we entered the room, Mom was curious about who thought
to do this. We each took turns reading
our messages to her. She was in tears often, happy throughout and was immensely
touched. It was a loving moment of honor and celebration.
Considering the circumstances, the day
couldn’t have been better. It was 5pm. She ate some dinner, although it wasn’t
long before she was resting again.
Shortly after, my mom was in hospice care,
as there was nothing more to be done. Her health wasn’t going to improve. She
looked intensely in my eyes and I could see that she knew the end was near. It
was a powerful moment. My mom had been prepared for this day, thus the
aforementioned message to the deacon that she was ‘ready to go home’.
Close friends and family, including several
from the church were with her all evening until about 10:00pm. She hadn’t been
alert all night. Everyone left soon thereafter, with only Andrea and me
remaining. We prepared for another night of sleep by her side.
As I was dozing, the nurse called us up to
Mom’s bedside. She told us that she was slipping away. Andrea and I held hands
and watched her take her last breath. It was 11:24 pm on May 1. At that moment,
I was so happy to have my cousin there. She had looked after and cared for my
mom in ways I never expected. I was full of both sadness and gratitude.
The day had been surreal for me, yet I
remembered what my friend Dee in Sweden had told me before I left.
He said to “be in the moment George”, which I did to the best of my ability. When one is losing a mother, there is no
preparation for that. So much was going through my mind, but I did stay fully
present.
The toughest thing I ever had to do was
saying goodbye to my mother. We were very close and enjoyed a wonderful
relationship. I couldn’t have asked for a better mother or childhood. She made
me the man that I am, including the invaluable lesson of giving, which inspired
many who came into her life.
It was almost unbearable to be alone in the
ICU room, knowing that I would soon leave my mother’s body for the final time. I
don’t cry easily, although tears were abundant. There has been lots of good in
my life, although one of my greatest gifts was having Isabella G. Payne for 77
years.
It was a blessing to be able to spend time
with my mother during her last 24 hours. One of her final acts of strength was
waiting for her son. I will always be grateful for that.
Happy Gswede Sunday!
 |
| Mom and I in Sweden |
