The Art of the Chill

On Saturday, my lovely wife said to me, “You’re good at chilling”.

She has always known that although seeing me in my robe, on our country house terrace, reading a book as kids pranced around helped to give her the ultimate Gswede “chill” perspective.

My response to her:

“You’re right, I’ve always been.”

Chilling (or in non-slang terms, relaxing) has been prominent in my life for as long as I can remember.

I’ve always enjoyed my daily “Me Time” or being alone to relax my mind, body and soul.  I also find moments to relax on the rare occasions when I’m around stressful people or chaotic situations.  My life wouldn’t be as serene without the precious time I make to relax.

Even when you’re not alone, it’s not difficult to relax if you know how to do it.

Even with small kids, it’s possible although you need to be a “Michael Jordan” level relaxer to accomplish that. Some of my best and most relaxing moments have been alone with my children.

Deepak's words convey the importance::

Relaxation is the prerequisite

  For that inner expansion that allows a person

To express the source of inspiration and joy within

( Deepak Chopra)

The happiest and most well adjusted friends/acquaintances in my inner circle are master relaxers. They inspire me.

In addition, (and maybe most importantly), they are relaxed around their children which can only be a positive for nurturing a low stress and well balanced child

The aforementioned group also takes care of themselves FIRST as they know that they are able to serve others best if their soul is joyful and their mind clear despite life’s challenges.  If you asked them what are their top priorities, making time to relax would be near or at the top of their list.

As we all have seen, some people never seem to relax which probably stems from a variety of elements including but not limited to growing up with parents who more often than not kept them “doing something” instead of letting them learn to discover the beauty of relaxation or being a bit bored.

Boredom is something we all have to confront in life yet so many modern day parents with young children choose to keep their kids doing, doing and doing instead of giving them the freedom to deal with boredom or discover the adventure of life on their own. 

In my opinion, one of the best ways to relax is to let the “To Do” list wait. Doing so may ruffle some feathers or not sit well with the husband or girlfriend so keep that in mind.

That “To do” list will always be full in our hectic worlds so why not take the chance now and then to relax (especially if alone) instead of laborinng with tasks that are often tedious.

You might not want to take the “The Art of the Chill” to my level though as my wife recently said, “Sometimes you chill TOO MUCH”.  She’s right.....I need to work on that!

If you’re not someone who has mastered “The Art of the Chill”, I implore you to improve or seek help to learn.  If you can’t relax, what message/lesson do you think that sends to your children and/or loved ones?  And we know that being unable to relax isn’t a positive for anyone’s health.

If you care about “expressing the source of inspiration and joy within” that Deepak so eloquently writes about, then relaxing needs to be a part of your daily life in some form or fashion.

If not, your true happiness will probably stay hidden beneath the surface and your soul will be bubbling with anticipation for the joy to emerge.

One way to relax is to “Master your Me Time”.  A link to my article on the subject is below.

Master your "Me Time"

Whatever you choose to do, if you care about YOU, find a way to relax.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

Gswede basking in the warm sunshine on a lovely Swedish late afternoon.

Severely Disabled yet on the Treadmill

I found myself at the gym on 3 consecutive days last week. I was inspired to get into better shape by my wife as she is very consistent with her exercise.  I’m fortunate in that my weight doesn’t fluctuate, my health is terrific and I feel good almost every day despite inconsistent exercise.

Consistency is my aim as I know I can feel even better if I exercise more frequently. My body is already starting to feel stronger.

On the third day, a BIG dose of inspiration hit me. It was a “wow” moment.

It was 8am and I was warming up on the treadmill before my workout. The gym wasn’t crowded so it was easy to notice people.  I saw a guy come up to the treadmill who was mentally and physically disabled. I’ve never seen someone in his severe condition at any gym. He could barely walk on his own so his friend was guiding him.

Not soon after, he was on the treadmill doing his morning workout. What an inspiration! He was going along at a decent pace considering his limitations.  Later, I saw him downstairs attempting to do some other exercises.

I couldn’t help but think of the times I’ve a) been too lazy to run or b) not gone to the gym or worked out because I was tired. After seeing him, I hope those “lazy moments” disappear forever.

After a friend heard about this brief encounter, he wrote the following:

“I use to work with the Special Olympics and these special groups of people are truly inspiring. You will be surprised how much you enjoy working with them and how you will build some special relationships that you would truly cherish.”

I’ve read or seen many stories about Special Olympics although it was good to get that encouragement from someone who has previous experience. 

His encouragement went further:

“I would definitely think about doing some things with the special needs populations or the mentally disabled and mentally ill with your sports background.”

I do have some experience in that area as I’ve worked with a special needs 7 year-old boy for six months at his school. It was a tough yet worthwhile adventure. I learned quite a bit about myself and gained a better understanding of what individuals like him go through on a day to day basis.

Inspiration comes in many forms. This past week was a trifecta - (wife’s exercise consistency, disabled man’s ability and friend’s encouragement).

Three days in the gym and three doses of inspiration. Life is good.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

The Moat at a couple's castle - A lovely Sunday afternoon in southern Sweden

If Helped, Return the Favor when Asked

Few things in life irritate me. This is one that does.

Recently, Friend A asked Friend B for a minor favor – a favor most of us would have done without blinking an eye. Instead, Friend B selfishly voiced major complaints before finally agreeing to do it. I was beyond surprised that he didn’t freely and immediately say yes as Friend A helped him in a MAJOR way previously.

Without the help of Friend A, Friends B’s enormous task would have been much tougher and the outcome wouldn’t have been nearly as nice. He obviously didn’t appreciate what Friend A had done for him.

To put things in perspective without divulging their details, what Friend A was asking for was the equivalent of borrowing a car for one day while the major favor Friend B received from Friend A was equal to a car being loaned to him for six months.

I confronted Friend A and asked, “Why didn’t you mention what you did for him” as I knew that would enlighten his selfish act and make him act respectfully. Friend A wasn’t comfortable doing that.

My philosophy has always been:

If someone has helped you or been good to you in the past, you do everything in your power to help them when asked.  You might not be able to fulfil their need although the effort should always be made. 

You would be surprised how many times I’ve seen or heard of a person unwillingly to help someone who has helped them in the past.

Fortunately, I’ve only experienced it a few times. In those moments, I warmly and directly reminded the people what I had done for them in the past – kindnesses that usually required more effort than what I was asking for. After those conversations, I had no issues with the help I needed, including future requests.

The majority of people I’ve helped have bent over backwards to assist me when asked. And I have done the same for those who have been good to me or simply provided a helping hand to someone in need.  Helping one another is a beautiful thing and something that is essential to moving forward in our busy and often complex worlds. 

What I don’t mean to convey is that those you’ve helped owe you something. They don’t.  Helping people is what we should all do more freely and consistently.  But, when you ask for their help, they should be there with open arms.

One favor I needed (since I was asked for help) still touches my heart. A few years ago, I asked a friend in the USA for a favor – something that had to be done quickly.

The request was to deliver flowers to a woman who was visiting NYC for a cancer treatment. Another friend in Sweden was close to the woman (and her husband) yet had no way to have them delivered fast and inexpensively. He asked for my help because of my Manhattan connections.

I immediately got on the phone with my NYC pal and he sprang into action without hesitation; not only buying and delivering the roses but doing so with style and grace. The couple was touched that my friend in Sweden had thought of her and I was impressed by the eloquence of the delivery. I heard it was a lovely moment.

Helping people is what life should be about. Do it whenever and wherever you can. Even be pro-active sometimes by offering help before you are asked.

If someone has been good to you in the past or helped advance your being in life, don’t disrespect yourself or that person by NOT being open to assisting them if asked. It’s the right thing to do.

“People nevor forget that helping hand especially when times are tough” -- (Catherine Pulsifer)

Happy Gswede Sunday!

My son and friends excited before the summer circus in August!

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

In light of Steve Jobs recent resignation as CEO (he's still Chairman) of Apple, I recently viewed a wonderful commencement speech he gave at Stanford in 2005.

It's not flashy although he makes some insightful points and offers wise advice. A great speech for anyone to see yet particularly important for our future generation - the YOUTH around the world.

My friend Brian eloquently described his talent this way:

"First there was Henry Ford; revolutionary, visionary, changed not only the game, but the rules and the playing field. Then Steve Jobs; revolutionary, visionary, changed the game, the rules, the playing field AND got just about everyone to come and join the game."

This description (from NY Times) is my favorite and captures the essence of the man::

"Even when Microsoft or Google or Hewlett-Packard tried to mimic Apple’s every move, run its designs through the corporate copying machine, they never succeeded. And that’s because they never had such a single, razor-focused, deeply opinionated, micromanaging, uncompromising, charismatic, persuasive, mind-blowingly visionary leader."  

http://pogue.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/08/25/steve-jobs-reshaped-industries/ 

I don't think we will see anyone come close to his genius in my lifetime. The title of my blog, "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish" will make sense once you watch the 14 minute video.

The link is below:

Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement Speech in 2005

Happy Gswede Sunday!

An old Mac I saw in the office of a technology professor earlier this year

Sense and Sensibility – President Bush (The Elder)

The NY Times writer and author Thomas Friedman is rarely off point.

His article on George H.W. Bush (father of our recent president) will not disappoint those who appreciate his wisdom and insight. It’s refreshing and shines a light on a man who as Friedman says (and I agree), is “underrated”.

Some may be surprised by Bush Sr’s actions in office:

1)    He wasn’t afraid to raise taxes despite saying that he wouldn’t. His common sense prevailed unlike many American “conservatives on the right” today. 

Friedman quote: 

Despite having run on the promise of “Read my lips: No new taxes,” when the deficit started spiraling to dangerous levels under his presidency, Bush agreed to a compromise with Democrats to raise several taxes, along with spending cuts, as part of a 1990 budget deal that helped to pave the way for the prosperity of that decade. It definitely hurt his re-election, but he did it anyway. 

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/31/opinion/sunday/friedman-bring-back-poppy.html?ref=opinion

2)     After taking Saddam Hussein out of Kuwait, he didn’t wage war in Baghdad. As everyone knows, his son (George H. Bush.) started a war on the basis of information that has proven to be false.  Again, a big dose of sense by the elder Bush.

Friedman quote:
George H.W. Bush also believed that to be a conservative was to act with “prudence,” one of his favorite words and a philosophy he demonstrated in foreign policy by deciding, once he defeated Saddam Hussein in Kuwait, not to follow him to Baghdad. 

In addition, he was sensible in embracing science.  

Friedman quote:
George H.W. Bush also believed in science. How many Republicans know that he and his aide Boyden Gray pioneered the use of cap-and-trade to deal — very effectively — with the problem of acid rain produced by power-plant emissions? 

I find it hard to look at today’s G.O.P. without thinking how far it has drifted from the kind of balanced conservatism the elder Bush brought to politics. Today’s G.O.P. has gone from espousing cap-and-trade to deal with pollution to espousing the notion that all the world’s climate scientists have secretly gotten together and perpetrated a “hoax,” called climate change, in order to expand government — all of this at a time of record heat waves and climate disruptions. 

Not all of Bush’s actions were of the sensible kind.  A stain that Freidman failed to mention is the William Horton drama – a campaign ad instrumental in helping Bush win the White house. 

For those unfamiliar, it was a TV campaign showing prisoners going in and out of a revolving prison door. The ad’s intention was to showcase the “light on crime” record of Michael Dukakis (1988 Democrat Presidential Nominee).  William Horton was serving a life sentence when he was released on a weekend parole program during the Dukakis administration in Massachusetts. While out, he attacked a white couple.  Even though many didn’t like this type of racial and fear-based advertising, it was very effective. 

A quote about and link to the “Revolving Door” ad is below:

This stark and unsettling ad from the Bush campaign doesn't mention the notorious escaped convict William Horton by name. (Although he went by William, the Bush campaign referred to him by the less respectable name “Willie”). However, with its release just a few weeks after the independently financed ad "Willie Horton" had generated controversy and national press coverage, the connection was clear. Under the direction of campaign manager Roger Ailes, Dukakis was linked with the case of the African American felon who fled Massachusetts during a weekend furlough and attacked a young white couple in Maryland.
http://www.livingroomcandidate.org/commercials/1988

Bush’s main strategist, the late Lee Atwater was a primary force behind the campaign.  It seemed to work brilliantly as Dukakis lost his double digit lead from the summer of 1988 – and subsequently the election.  Atwater later apologized for the ad which is a good thing. 

A few quotes are below:

Dukakis is the person to whom Atwater most famously apologized, in a startlingly candid, first-person piece in Life magazine published two months before his death. 

Atwater recounted how, speaking of Dukakis during the '88 campaign, he promised to “strip the bark off the little bastard” and “make Willie Horton his running mate.” 

 Then he said: “I am sorry for both statements . . . the first for its naked cruelty, the second because it makes me sound racist, which I am not.

http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20060519/news_1c19fixin.html

In my opinion, presidential nominees should stay away from this kind of racial advertising – messages that play to the fears of the misguided, uneducated or hateful.

From the aforementioned points above, Bush Sr. was a president who made decisions based on logical insight and most importantly, decisions that kept the best interest of Americans in mind.  We could use some of his prudence today.

William Horton aside, many of his actions were sensible although I doubt he would fare well in the current Republican Party, whose shining stars (Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman and Rick Perry) are more suited for a comedy tour.  In 2011, far too many conservatives and/or Tea Party supporters seem to care less about the country and more about keeping Obama out of a 2^nd term. 

Any intelligent or compassionate person knows that in order for America to begin to rise out of the financial ashes, taxes MUST be raised.  Judging from his past history, Bush Sr. would probably be in agreement with a tax increase in 2011, unlike his son, who kept taxes low while authorizing two wars.

Even the “Gipper” and most beloved conservative (President Ronald Reagan) raised taxes!

Who on the conservative or Tea Party side will be courageous enough to show some or any of the sense and sensibility of George “Poppy” Bush? 

Happy Gswede Sunday!

Another George (aka Gswede) enjoying the Good Life in Sardinia, Itlay - June 2011

Sweden’s Strong Economy

The overarching lesson the Swedes offer is this: When you have a financial crisis, and Sweden had a nasty one in the early 1990s, learn from it. Don’t simply muddle through and hope that growth will eventually return. Rather, address the underlying causes of the crisis to create an economic and financial system that will be more resilient when bad times return.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/five-economic-lessons-from---sweden-the-rock-star-of-the-recovery/2011/06/21/AGyuJ3iH_story.html

-----

I’ve been singing the praises of the Swedish Economy (and some of our great benefits) for years although it’s not easy to explain to those who don’t live here. The quote above begins to clarify why Sweden has risen above the global financial abyss.

Without waxing poetic, I will let two articles speak for themselves. They will provide some insight about how socialism benefits those in Sweden with children along with some facts about our strong economy.

1) My article on parental leave. I had 5 months off from work TWICE – once with each of my children! The link:

http://gswede-sunday.blogspot.com/2009/09/fathers-parental-leave-swedish-syle.html

2) The Washington Post online article titled “5 economic lessons from Sweden – The Rock Star of the Recovery.” The lessons are below. To read the full story, click on the link above.  

  

1. Keep your fiscal house in order when times are good, so you will have more room to maneuver when things are bad.

2. Fiscal stimulus can be more effective when it is automatic.

3. Use monetary policy aggressively.

4. Keep the value of your currency flexible.

5. Bankers will always make blunders; just make sure they don’t doom the economy.

It’s important to remember that despite having a great economy, not everyone is reaping the benefits, including some immigrants I know. A quote from one:

36 year old Immigrant from USA living in Stockholm:

“Amazing how stable the economy is yet I know so many people who aren't employed or simply partially employed.. wait they're not Swedes.  Nevermind.”

It’s never paradise for everyone in a country although most people in this country have a VERY good life – something I hope they are grateful for.

I’m grateful.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

The Swedish Flag

A Negative Person No Longer in my Life

As I’ve written on numerous occasions, NEGATIVE people should not be in your life. They can be a drain on a positive force and the energy they emit can be harmful to the soul. Occasionally, one has little choice (i.e. family members) although usually the decision is in your hands.

Recently, the wife of a friend wrote a negative and mean-spirited comment about me in a public forum – words that were unkind and had a tinge of jealousy to them. I quickly responded to her with a positive yet clever line that put a spotlight on her disparaging comment. She had no worthwhile response after so she wrote “Whatever”.

Being a long time friend of her husband, one would think she would show more respect. If her comment had been sarcastic or funny, I would have embraced it.  It bothered me because of its mean and negative nature.  Publicly or privately, most people I know would never use her words to another.

After our initial introduction over a decade ago, it was:

A) Irritating in the way she frequently jumped into conversations to make her point, especially when she was on the outside of the conversation.

B) Not fun to be around her unpleasant nature.

C) Not surprising when others expressed similar feelings about her.

Interestingly, her husband is a great guy - admirable and one of the most genuine men I know.

Some years back, she also spoke to my mother disrespectfully - words and tone. Her husband made her apologize immediately as he knew her words were inappropriate and unkind. My respect for him grew even more when I heard about how he handled the incident.  Actions like hers should never be tolerated.

Since I carry no hate in my heart, her positive side must be brought to the surface. She’s been married a long time and they have kind and well adjusted children. I’ve rarely met children as pleasant. Collectively, they have created and nurtured a beautiful family.

I realize that I will encounter her in the future as my friendship with her husband will not be broken although my correspondence with her online or by phone will not emerge again. It’s a shame as she has displayed some friendly moments in our infrequent banter online.

I’ve rarely encountered a person with such negative energy. For all practical purposes, she is no longer in my life. Negativity (even small in size like this incident) wields a silent dagger and I won’t allow it to grab hold of me. 

I’m hopeful that she is humble enough to change or get help one day. She has a plethora of blessings and a life to be grateful for. If she’s not careful, her disposition could dampen or spoil the quality life that she has worked so diligently to create.

I wish her well.

Happy Gswede Sunday!

A beautiful fountain on the campus of Lund University, Sweden