Temptation - Don't Fall for it

Temptation comes in many forms and has been and always will be flirting around mankind.

In relationships, one form that often causes the most destruction is the temptation of the flesh (infidelity). Unfortunately, it is much too prevalent in marriages and committed partnerships. Temptation of this kind has fractured many families and ruined numerous lives.

A good friend of mine was frequently tempted with women when he was single. He is an engaging, charming and smart man. That combination has massive appeal. Fortunately, he survived his single life relatively unscathed although there was some luck involved.

When he met the woman that would become his wife, it was difficult for him to deny his temptations. During their courtship, there were many moments when it almost ended due to his lack of discipline and chasing the flesh.

Somehow, he was able to look deep inside himself and come to the realization that his actions would not be favorable in building a committed life together. This woman was important to him and someone he didn't want to lose. In addition, I thought they were a great couple and told him so on many occasions.

If he wasn't man enough to change, infidelity would have surely reared its ugly head during their marriage. His actions of self-improvement inspired me to write a poem about temptation (see below). I am very proud of him for embracing his epiphany and becoming a devoted husband.

If you are not happy, be bold enough to admit that to your spouse/partner and figure out how or if you want to progress.

If you are happy, cherish and respect the loving bond that you are fortunate to have. Never take it for granted.

If you choose the infidelity path, make sure you are able to live with the potentially dire consequences of your actions.

Happy Gswede Sunday!
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Don't Fall for the Flesh

Tempting and inviting
The lust of flesh abounds
Be careful what you wish for
For you may wear that crown

King for a day, a month, a week
A treasure gone for the thrill you seek

Fantasy power moves
Eating up all in sight
Are your truly fulfilled
With that afternoon delight?

Falling for the flesh
A pattern so hard to fight
If it came back to bite you
Would you then see the light?

Courage
Not Flesh

Honor
Not Flesh

Loyalty
Not Flesh

Don't fall for it
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The Sea of Temptation is never far away

Ken Mack - A Unique Perspective on Barack Obama

I was living in Boston during the late 80's when my high school classmate Ken Mack was attending Harvard Law school. I was curious to get a inside look of this famous place so he invited me to one of his classes. That day, Ken pointed someone out to me. It was a young Barack Obama sitting in the front row!

Ken is one of the most interesting people I know and a good friend. He was recently interviewed on CNN about Obama:

KENNETH MACK ON OBAMA: There was a certain quality of maturity that he projected that really impressed people in a place where everyone was quite impressive.

It wasn't just that we had our first African-American president of the "Harvard Law Review." That would have been cause for celebration, but it was because it was Barack that people saw him as somebody special.
(http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0804/15/acd.01.html)

As the world knows, Obama has become an exceptional candidate in more ways than one. He has energized new voters, our youth and even former supporters of the Republican party! It is fascinating to see the Obama phenomenon and very refreshing. The positivity, hope and inspiration that touches so many is much needed at this point in our history.

Ken's success has never surprised me. Like Obama, he is smart, focused and knew what he wanted to do from an early age. That dream has been fulfilled and he is currently a tenured professor at Harvard Law School.

In February, he wrote an insightful article on Obama. A portion is below and you can click on the link for the full text. You will gain a better understanding of a man who could become our next president.
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An op-ed by Professor Kenneth Mack: Even at Harvard, Obama had a knack for bonding with diverse people

http://www.law.harvard.edu/news/2008/02/22_mack.php)

Professor Kenneth Mack, '91

What most of his classmates remember best about Barack's time in law school was his election to the most prestigious student leadership position on campus -- the presidency of the Harvard Law Review. The law review was sharply divided ideologically then, with political conflicts spilling over into personal ones. Like all of us, Barack had his own political views and made them known, but unlike most he usually did it in a way that put people of different viewpoints into a common conversation, and pushed them to get things done regardless of their differences.

As a fellow American said to me recently, " We do need a much better America".

After the last 8 L......ONG years, Obama may be just the person who can get us there.

Happy Gswede Sunday!
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Ken's wife Lisa Jones at an event with Barack Obama

Is your PATTERN working?

One reason people lead plain, boring or unfulfilled lives and display the same in relationships is because they NEVER break out of an unproductive or non-working PATTERN.

By pattern, I mean an aspect of one's life that is clearly not functioning properly yet the same wasteful and often destructive things are done continuously:

-- Complaining.

-- Disregarding BENEFITS in Life.

-- Dreaming and Dreaming instead of Doing.

-- A Comfortable pattern: Many live life comfortably and have no real impact in the world.

-- Staying in relationships that will not work.

-- Suffering in a lifeless job.

--Living life through children or for others.

--Eating poorly and/or no regular exercise.

--Picking wrong for love over and over again.

--Never RECOGNIZING the VALUE of a quality love or sadly, being scared of a good thing!

--Addiction: One of the most destructive patterns in any form. Author Gary Zukav has a great chapter on Addiction (under the chapter responsibility) in his insightful book "The Seat of the Soul".

Breaking out of a bad pattern is very hard but possible.

One way is to observe and learn from people with winning patterns. Another is to work on evolving as a person and finding out why your pattern never bears the fruit you desire. In addition, I have learned immensely from reading about how to stay focused on achieving a productive life pattern.

If you care about YOU, you must work on making a better YOU!

The problem is that patterns are comfortable even when only negativity or bad results arise. Some embrace the minor or major irritant of a bad pattern rather than be brave and grab the slice of life that is fun, exhilarating and interesting!

I have seen only a handful of friends break out of bad patterns. Some are successful and happy in ways I could have never imagined! They took bold and life changing steps and it paid off handsomely. Unfortunately, many are still stuck on that merry go round of HO HUM life.

If your pattern is working, continue to evolve and enhance it.

If your pattern is not working, do something about it or success will continue to elude.

Happy Gswede Sunday!
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Stockholm, Sweden - For many..........a comfortable pattern

Children raised properly should never neglect an ill parent

Woods left Florida on Tuesday, traveling in his private jet to Orange County, Calif. He missed a practice round and a pretournament media session Wednesday to spend the day at his father's bedside.

Earl Woods did not expect to see his son this week except on television. When Woods walked through the door of his father's house in Cypress, Earl Woods, according to his son, said as a way of greeting him, "What the hell are you doing here?"

Smiling, Woods said, "It was nice to hear that."
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Before Tiger's dad passed away in 2006, Earl Woods had been struggling with his health for a long time. Despite his schedule and profession, Tiger still made time to be with his dad. The full article containing the quotes above can be read on the link below.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/24/sports/golf/24golf.html?st=cse&sq=march+24%2C+2006+-+tiger+woods&scp=1

I have always admired Tiger's care for youth ( his learning center, http://www.twlc.org/ is evidence of that) and he has consistently shown how important his dad is to him.

You would be shocked at how many people I have seen that want nothing to do with the responsibilities of caring for a parent when they become ill. They selfishly pass it on to other siblings/family members or simply neglect them. Many (some in my own family I hate to admit) were raised well and should know better!

A relative of mine had prostate cancer and had been sick for a few years before he died. His children were barely there during his illness! Sad.

This topic is close to my heart as my father became very sick when I was moving abroad. People commented about how tough it was for me and it was. What they don't know is that I visited him 4 times in the 15 months I was away, spoke to him many times, wrote letters and kept the peace amongst the family members who did not get along. In other words, I did what I was supposed to do.

When that day comes for you, I hope you will do the right thing. If your brothers/sisters are not doing their part, DO NOT be afraid to confront them because you will only be disrespecting yourself if you don't.

I know a couple who had to care for their parents without much help from their siblings. Their life was put on hold for many years because of this big responsibility. They tried to get help but it was a futile effort. I admire them immensely but it's a shame they had to do it alone.

It is important to remember that EVERYONE should live their life and not have dreams or life goals held back by parents as is too often the case. But if you have parents that loved and raised you well, they should be cared for in their time of need.

"Children raised properly should never neglect an ill parent".

Have the courage to speak up to your family if you need help! If the help doesn't come, do what you have to do.

Happy Gswede Sunday
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Stockholm, Sweden - One of the most beautiful cities in Europe

CHOOSE WISELY for marriage

Why are divorce rates so high in America? Why did over 50% of kids I taught in many Swedish classrooms have parents that were divorced?

People don't CHOOSE WISELY.

The Gswede words "CHOOSE WISELY" are an all important yet often neglected term in regards to getting married or picking a life partner. It is the most important decision one can make yet many don't do it and therefore endure as Henry David Thoreau said " lives of quiet desperation".

4 basic steps:

A) Know what you want

-- Many people don't know or even think about this. Knowing what you want comes from experiences (i.e. quality dating, productive friendships) and seriously thinking about what you like and the qualities that will make you happy.
-- If you lack experiences, it is hard to know what you want and if you never contemplate what is good/bad for you, how can you know what you want?

B) Learn from success and failure

--Make sure you talk with those you respect that have had success in marriage. Is it very smart to learn and have some idea about what marriage entails beforehand. Question them with your curiosity!
-- Having witnessed bad and/or dysfunctional relationships in and outside my family during my youth was actually good for me. I learned from always paying attention to the world around me. It showed me what I did not want to have in a relationship.

C) Don't waste time

-- We often miss golden opportunities because of a never ending bad relationship or baggage from childhood or a any number of life complications. If someone is not right for you and you know it, don't waste time/years with that person. Why? Because you will probably miss the right person.
--If you are not happy or whole inside, make the effort to improve yourself or get help with the problem so you can avoid wasting time. Unhappy people rarely find good relationships.
--Part of not wasting time is being available to meet a potential spouse at events, through friends or at various venues. It won't happen sitting at home, feeling sorry for yourself or being associated with the wrong crowd.

D) Choose Wisely - Easy to say, Hard to do.

--One thing that shouldn't get in the way is the EMOTION of the situation. Feeling the Emotion that you should get married doesn't mean that you MUST get married.
-- Evaluate, Evaluate, Evaluate - Is it what you want? Will the relationship endure? Is your reasoning all EMOTION minus the logical and practical? Have you evaluated the relationship thoroughly? Do you trust the person? Will they be a good mother/father? Do you like their family? Just a few of the many questions to ask yourself.

If one still cannot decide, doing a simple plus (positives) & minus (negatives) list of getting married should shine some light on the situation. We did that with a good friend many years ago and the MINUS ratio was MUCH higher than the plus. That list clearly showed the marriage drama he was about to enter. Our friend got married anyway because of his emotional attachment. As you might suspect, that relationship ended after a few years.

Unfortunately, many don't even evaluate and hastily choose what they idealize, a person that ONLY makes them feel good or someone that is convenient to be with. When folks don't CHOOSE WISELY, they often suffer immensely.

A successful friend (and good man) didn't choose wisely when he met and married a woman that was not someone he was really interested in or anything like the women he had dated before. He now has a child and is a shade above miserable although he puts on a good face. Sad thing is, he knew better and always chose wisely in the past. A weak moment may cost him a lifetime of pain.

Don't be like him.

Even when you do CHOOSE WISELY, success is not guaranteed. It is a hard road because marriage, kids and the elements of life are not easy. By making a proper choice, it is much easier to handle the roadblocks and setbacks that life will give us all.

Thankfully, I have several friends/mentors who chose wisely and have quality spouses. I have learned from all of them before and during marriage! Life is not always easy in their world and sometimes very difficult but they are able to endure because they chose a good partner.

In Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen said "Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance". There is an element of truth to that. If you don't CHOOSE WISELY, what do you think your chances are?

It is the biggest choice in your life.

Make it a WISE one!

Happy Gswede Sunday.
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Enjoying a splendid March Sunday!

Are you better off now than you were 4 years ago?

President Reagan crushed Jimmy Carter with that question in the 1980 Presidential debate. It is a question that everyone should ask themselves at least every 4 years.

Here are some you might want to consider.

Is your marriage and/or relationship better?

If you don't have the above and want one, do you seek the right opportunities?

Is your health better? Do you exercise more or less?

Are your finances better? Do you have a budget?

Is your family unit more cohesive?

Are you in the job you desire?

Have you improved or evolved as a person? Do you care about improving as a person?

Do you see your true friends more or less? Do you stay in touch with friends or important contacts if only by email?

Are your BENEFITS in life increasing or decreasing? Do you know that everything in life should have a BENEFIT?

Has your giving or volunteering been consistent or enhanced? Do you give at all?

Do you have more or less contact with your parents/siblings/family?

Do you spend more or less time with your children?

Have you made more Irresponsible mistakes or Responsible mistakes?

Are you less patient or more patient?

More Positive or less positive?

Is your world international or local? Have you been outside of your country?

Do you worry more and do less? Or worry less and do more?

Do you have goals? Are they written or paper?

Life should be about progressing and improving in the aforementioned areas but sadly far too many people don't examine their life at all. No one can be great in all these areas but these are key areas to look at, work on and monitor for success and happiness.

The first one is crucial. Without a good marriage/relationship (one that is consistently worked on and grows), life will be at best plain and at worst miserable.

If you have a bad relationship or marriage that you know will never blossom, don't be afraid to make changes. Why suffer? If you have a bad situation, Take the emotion out of it if only for a moment and things should start to be clear.

If you have something good, work hard to sustain it and make it better. Never take it for granted. Many people seem to think that good marriages/relationships are easy but that couldn't be further from the truth. It takes hard work.

If you are looking for a partner in life, make sure you a) know what you want, b) seek all opportunities to get it, and the most important is c) choose wisely, meaning to make sure the choice is proper, what you desire and not based totally on emotion.

Is your life better off now than it was 4 years ago?

If not, what is your plan?

Happy Gswede Sunday!

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The scene in front of me on a lovely Sunday walk in Stockholm

Gswede Sunday - Coming March 23!

Some say that Gswede is all you need!

Indeed, that may be true but you must decide for yourself. For the past year, I have been sending a "Gswede Sunday" message via sms on my mobile phone to a select group of friends.

The topics have been diverse where one week I may talk about:

Responsible vs Irresponsible mistakes in life..... OR
Tiger Woods.....OR
Children neglecting Parents when they become ill......OR
Why giving is so important.....OR
Choosing wisely in marriage

My subjects are endless but always worthwhile. Since my close friends seem to enjoy my thoughts, I have decided to open it up to the world.

It is what I like to call Gswedism!

We all (especially our youth) need POSITIVE inspiration in life (i.e. guidance, wisdom, teaching, mentoring, volunteering). There are many ways to get it and it comes in many forms but quite often people lead very plain or unfulfilled lives due to having insufficient inspiration or not enough.

On what should be a day of rest, watch out for Gswede Sunday!

Your first dose, ( "Are you better off now than you were 4 years ago?") comes in 7 days.

Happy Gswede Sunday!